Beautiful

They crashed into each other one December evening
Now this might seem impossible given the impact they had,
But it was graceful and melodic as they landed in each other's soft spots.

They learned to love.
They learned there was a power in self reflection,
A power in sharing...
Hearts are best touched when exposed,
And much, much easier to tickle.

They crashed into each other again...just the other day.
Because love, as you know, gets tested
And even the most connected hurt each other sometimes.

A moment of carelessness and they were out of step
They landed with a thud, grasping for each other's soft spots,
They missed as the pain of falling overpowered them both.

Trust was put to the test.
They looked inward for solace,
Found their strength,
And then reached out for what they believed in.
Their hearts were once more exposed,
And what they saw in each other was beautiful.

Two Firsts

Her First First looks to her for guidance, protection,
Unconditional love, comfort.
Her Second First looks for the same but in the form of support,
Security, emotional intimacy, warmth.

Where does she find this energy to keep them balanced?

She'll let you in on a secret...

Rather than placing herself in the middle of the seesaw
She places them side by side on one end
And places herself on the opposite end...
That way she can give her attention to both at the same time,
Forming an extra-potent fuel from their smiles.

Putty

Be strong in your gentle sort of way,
Firm without the feeling of tension.

Knead me,
But don't twist me into knots.

If you squeeze me hard enough and in the right places
I just might fit back into my shell.

It's silly, you know,
That I'm like putty in your hands.

Sweet Companion

It was there when the middle child returned
After announcing she was running away from home...
She only made it to the end of the block with her suitcase packed,
Then promptly returned to find her mother waiting.

It sat and patiently helped her to sleep,
Listening to the stories her mother told of Two Boots, the Cat
Over and over again.

It waited for the day that child had a child of her own.
And without missing a beat
Found its rhythm again

It rested quietly in the room by the foothills for 20 plus years.
Seldom used over that time,
But not forgotten by those it comforted in the past.

It unexpectedly departed to a new home...
It would never know that the middle child shed tears
As she fondly remembered the gentle ways
Of her mother's black, wooden rocking chair.

 Good bye, sweet companion.

Open Mic

My ex used to roll over and whack his manhood on the side of my thigh to let me know he was "in the mood for lovin".
So I tried whacking him in the head with a can of polish and a rag to let him know I was "in the mood for a clean car"
Wax on, Whack off!
Right?
*
*
He also used to tell me I had no sex drive.
I drive perfectly,
I just didn't want to when he was in my car.

Someday

You give good weekend.

Silly phone calls while I'm browsing through racks of clothing I don't need to buy.
Playing DJ on wheels.
Marveling over a lunch truck that sells all meals BACON.
Hanging out on the bar stools as our friend gets her poetry on.
Giggling over Rocky's Horror until the wee hours in the morning.
Slobbery "Packet Ball".
A haircut and a trip to the Fountain of Youth.
Napping....
Slaying zombies with plants while you sling birds at pigs.
Tears in my eyes when I realized this is my life, and I like it.
Laughing at your jokes.
Chicken Caesar Salad...and a croissant.
Promising you there would be Texas Toast on Sunday night.
Squirrels evading your trap.
Scouting out a neighborhood for my mom....just far enough away.
Planning a special birthday present for a little girl who adores you.
Spooning off to sleep.
But not before assuring you I love the idea of eating cake with you.
Someday.

What Lies Within

What lice in her head causing my child to be sent home from school before us
And What lice in our pillows and sheets and blankets and stuffed animals behind us
Are tiny matters (creepy, crawly, tiny little f'ers) compared to
What lice all over MY head making me itch like f'ing crazy within.

We had a lovely bout of head lice in our house again last week. I had it almost as badly as Peanut this time.

Thank you to Rudolph for being so nit picky when I needed it most. You are no louse! I think this is true love...I slept with olive oil on my head for two nights and you still found me desirable.

It must be because of what lies within.

17 Weeks.....plus a few days

17 weeks, plus a few days...
That's how long it's been.
Seems like longer, yes?

Could it really only be 4 months?

I wore jeans and a copper colored top
With tan boots...
And some sparkley jewelry...to complete
I admit I wore my best fitting "good booty jeans"
On purpose.

You wore your suit of armour,
It's at least one size too large,
But fits your stage persona.
All I saw were how blue your eyes were
When the spotlights caught your smile.
In your photos I thought they were brown!

4 months
122 days

That's it?

It's no surprise that it feels like longer.

My question is this...

What do we do when the love we've created
Is too big to fit inside just 17(plus a few days) weeks?

The Land of Unknown Friendships

She surveys the area

A slight hint of hesitation

Possibly a moment of fear

Then she skips right into

The Land of Unknown Friendships

Because she's seven...

And that's what you do on the playground.

Agreed?

I have to admit, I like writing about my angst and sorrow.
It makes for a good read
When I'm in need.

It's a lot of fun to worry about today and tomorrow.
When I hear my soul plead
It's sadness I feed.

So I'll ask you this, "Do you have some pain I can borrow?"
"Does your heart bleed?"
"I'll take that on for you, agreed?"

The Whole Sensation

I had an answer for you this time.
In the dark,
Face to face,
Stars shining above.


"What are you thinking right now?"


Without hesitation,
And from the deepest place in my heart,
"I don't think I've ever loved anyone
As much as I do you."


I could barely distinguish your eyes
From the stars above,
But the look you gave me back was real.


A sensation of being whole came over me.
My mind raced with the knowledge
That the heart I show to you
Is the most complete and nourished heart
I've ever been able to share with anyone.

Worth Missing

I hate days when I'm feeling needy.
It just clouds the fact that I miss you
simply because you're worth missing.

Shula

Shula was an especially sensitive duckling. The slightest bit of cold water on her feathers sent her in a tizzy.

I was overly agreeable in my mid 20's, especially when it came to "keeping" a love interest. I refused to show disappointment if it meant there was the slightest possibility I might lose that person by doing so.

"You're just like a human, Shula!" the other ducklings told her, "You let the littlest things get you. Why can't you just let the water roll off your back like the rest of us do? What kind of duck are you that you let water bother you?"

"You let everything roll off your back like a duck!" he said to me. "How come nothing upsets you? You never let anything bother you."

Shula endured constant badgering.

He constantly devalued me and put me down.

Shula asked them why they did this and their reply was, "We'll keep doing it as long as you let us."

I said to him once, "So what you're saying is if others kick me down you'll kick me down further?" His reply was, "If you let me, sure."

Shula eventually moved to another pond, she didn't miss the other ducklings but their message lingered in her mind.

I broke up with David on my birthday. It was a present to myself...Not a day went by that I regretted that decision, but his words stuck.

Shula decided to reinvent herself...sure the cold water still bothered her, but she was no weakling...she could take it...even on the coldest of days...her mind was consumed with proving she could endure the cold water just as well as any duckling...eventually she was numb.

I resolved to do the exact opposite of letting things roll off my back. I was not going to put up with even the slightest injustice...my mind was often stuck on the negative. I was hypersensitive to how people treated me.  It was a full time job to fight those who wronged me, until none of my days were filled with joy...I was always angry.

The Healing

I tried to read between the silence
Hoping to understand him better.
Wanting the moment to pass quickly
So we could go back to being ourselves.


I let the anxiety build
Until I burst out crying.
This time I let my daughter see me cry.
It was hard and felt wrong,
Something I hope to never do again

I let my child comfort me
With hugs and kisses, tissues and a bologna sandwich.
I did my best to comfort her back.
The fresh air at the park was healing for us both.

The disagreement with him grew stronger,
And my emotions took over.
Fear of loss, and feeling shamed.
Regrets over my insensitivity.
Anger over his harsh words.
Words I wasn't used to.

I had put it all out there recently.
I opened up in many ways.
Suddenly that felt like it wasn't enough.
How was it possible for us to be in this place?
Oh, G_d, we could lose each other!

When I finally heard his voice the sobbing began.
Sobs in past relationships I'd hide.
I knew I couldn't do that anymore,
So I let them come.

We were both real and raw in that moment.
The tenderness in our voices slowly coming back.
This is what you do when your lover is your best friend.
This is what you do when you've built a foundation.
Something I didn't have in the past,
But know from experience is necessary.

An understanding will come from our appreciation of each other,
As will the healing.

A Day Late for the Party- Love Your Face

What party you ask?

The celebration of Melynda's book!









There are exceptional people in my bloggerhood, and Melynda is one of those people. She's not only funny and warm, she's strong and brave. Her outlook on life is inspiring and her posts are daily reminders of the goodness in this world.

I'm sorry I'm so late with this blog post. Yesterday got away from me, workwise.

Melynda, good luck with your surgery today. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

I highly recommend her book, so click on the link and check it out. It was put together by some very loving friends, but it's all Melynda.
As Melynda would say, "Love your face!"

Family - Warmth

Would she remember these moments?
Summoned by her great grandfather
She ran downstairs to sing him a song.
Normally these are reserved for Friday nights over the phone.
But they were both in the same place at the same time.
One must always take advantage of an opportunity like this.
It mattered not the tune,
Or even the tone in her voice which was actually quite terrible.
It sounded beautiful to him and to all of us.
Because we all knew how precious this opportunity was.

She kissed his cheek and gave him a light hug.
Grabbing his arm gently she told him,
"I'll be back later, okay Papa Sam?"
The look of caring and concern on her face
Was far more mature than her seven years of age.
("Seven and a little over a half," she'd tell you.)
But he felt it with all his 96 years.

She ran back upstairs to play,
And left behind warmth

Family - Day One

She had love on both sides.
One that came from inside and the other she let in.
She was glad for a change to have the middle seat on the plane.

She had never been so excited to land!
Family was waiting.
Her parents, siblings, niece, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles...
Including her Papa!
They would all be there to celebrate the B'nai Mitzvah.

Introductions were made.
She knew they would go well.
How could they not?
They would most definitely see what she did.

Family surrounded her with comfort.
She reached over and pulled him in with her.
She'd glance over to him every now and then,
Hoping he saw the happiness in her eyes.
Glad for the moments when his hand touched hers.

She watched as her child charmed the room
With her warmth and energy.
They couldn't help but giggle.
Neither could she,
But she stifled it as parents often do.
Quietly pleased.

Her niece and nephew were now 13.
Family congregated in the synagogue
To celebrate this mitzvah.
Her sister glowed with pride
And rightfully so.

Tired from their day of travel
They headed back to the hotel.
Her little one was up so late
That her eyes shut before she finished her meal.
He remarked about the loving look she gave
As she held her child in her arms.
She loved when he'd reflect on those moments for her.

A long day indeed.
She savored every moment,
And drifted off to sleep.

Tomorrow would bring more joy.
This was Day One.

Please Be Kind to Me

"Please be kind to me," she said.

Simple,

Direct...

Perhaps she was about to get bad news from her doctor.
She could be receiving a critique of a new piece of artwork.
Had she just stepped on a scale?
Maybe she got in a fight with her lover.
It's possible someone had already been unkind to her that day.
It could be a request to a higher power for mercy.
She very well could be requesting a donation.
Slim chance that she just ate a chili cheese coney with extra onions
And her stomach was grumbling, but you never know.
She might have been holding a mirror to her face at the time.

Five simple words arranged in a sentence.

A simple request for one of the most basic of needs...

"Please be kind to me."

A Reward for Patience

I'm not feeling well today.

Mother Nature brought clouds and rain to me today for company. I think she knew sunshine would be too bright. The thing is, I'm not wallowing in self pity or wishing I had more. By all accounts life is very good. There's a lot of happiness going on in this head of mine! But I am depressed. The kind I just need to let myself weather.

Perhaps the clouds and the rain and the chill in the air is a reminder that I have all the warmth I need inside myself... it's all in there, built on hard work and kindness to myself, deep love for and from others. It's just slow to start...and I need to wait.

Maybe this is why Mother Nature gives us rainbows? A reward for patience.

Together We Are

Together we grow.
The "I am..." becomes stronger.
Our "We" takes form.

"I am funny," he said.
"I am also funny," she said.
"Together we are funnier!"
"Do your pants make my butt look big?"

We laugh
We create
We express
We connect
We cherish
We develop
We relate
We refresh
We encourage
We share
We support
We give
We receive

"I am in love with you," she said.
"I am also in love with you, " he said.
Together we are