My Masterpiece

Next week will be my last Thursday night session with my group. It's been three years of "family time" that I can count on. Last month I decided it was time to leave. Everything in my life was coming together, so it just felt like time. Not two or three days after that I took an unexpected nose-dive emotionally and questioned whether I was ready. Had I really come as far as I thought? It was a long month with more downs than ups. After this past weekend I was sure I wasn't ready...and then I felt a most surprising shift...it was in the midst of really sad news...news that the old me would have felt devastation over for months and months...news that would have at one time in my life set me so far back you'd think I hadn't changed a bit. I dealt with only the current situation. I saw it from both sides and felt the pain the other person was going through. I made my needs and wants known. I cried, and lifted my head again. I'm not sure how this chapter in my life will play out and I still carry hope.

I expected to walk into last night's session a basket case in need of one big box of tissues...I wasn't. People greeted me tentatively, not wanting to set the tears in motion...they didn't. I talked about my feelings with as much depth as I usually do...only it didn't swallow me up...

Without asking for it Susan gave me a, "You're going to be just fine...and we're going to miss you".

I wouldn't call next Thursday's session a graduation from therapy, it's not...you're never "done"...I'll carry the last three years with me forever...a masterpiece of emotions that is never quite finished.

All for One and One for Peanut

It is college week at Peanut's elementary school. This past weekend we went through all of the events for this week and talked about college. From what Peanut knows about college she has already decided that she'll only go if she can live at home still. She's been saying this for quite a while and I think I need to get it on video as proof! Anyway, back to this weekend...she's been watching the movie Barbie and the Three Musketeers quite a bit lately...she is so into it that she trains to be a musketeer (mostly by using a sash as a ribbon that knocks things over in the house). When I asked her what she wanted to study in college she said, "Musketeer". Then I asked her what kinds of things she'd need to learn in order to be a Musketeer and I got "How to protect the king by using ribbons, perfume and fans. You know, mom, Musketeers do not use knives, swords or guns". Told her she'd also need to learn to be an acrobat, how to sew (costumes) , fine literature, and math. Sandi came over this weekend (R.I.P. Sister Kitty!) and she tried to enlist her to train with her. Sunday night Peanut asked me if there were any colleges that could teach her how to be a musketeer. I seized the opportunity and told her that if there were they would probably be in another city and she'd have to go to school in a different city or town than here...to which she replied, "Or you and dad could just move where I go"...Why didn't I think of that?

Yesterday was dress up in what you want to be when you graduate college. I forgot all about it. Ten minutes before we were supposed to leave for school she tells me that she's not wearing anything in the pile of choices that I gave her because she's supposed to wear a career outfit. I said, "Okay, wanna wear your Doctor's coat?"...."Mom! That's boring. I am going to go as a Musketeer". Told her there was no way I could put a costume together and that she needed to get dressed, brush her teeth and go to the bathroom...followed by a few swear words on my part (getting her out the door in the morning is stressful enough as it is because we have a bit of a drive!). She was insistent. I caved. Picked out a pair of pink leggings and a long sleeved pink shirt that had a princess cameo in the middle. She had a dark pink hat that was from Easter that she's been wearing when she "trains", so she wore that too...I tried to put a sash on her, but she insisted that she HAD to wear a cape. Aaaakkkkk!!!!!...a few more swear words came out of my mouth which I do not wish to repeat. Found a piece of leftover pink tulle in her Princess Closet and cut it to make a cape. Put her pink boots on because "Musketeers always wear boots"

We got to school with less than 5 minutes to spare.

Yes, she was the only kid in school to be dressed as a Musketeer.

I am tickled by her imagination, but it wears me out!

Facebooked a brief version of this story yesterday and asked if anyone knew of a school she could go to...a very clever high school friend replied..."University of Virginia"...the Cavaliers!

Giggle

And no, I did not get a picture...we were too rushed. :(

Happiness Is...

The first Cadbury Egg of the season.

Unbroken

This is a poem that my mom sent me. It is in the book called "Evidence Poems" by Mary Oliver

"Broken, Unbroken"

The lonely stand in the dark corners of their hearts
I have seen them
in the cities,
and in my own neighborhood,
nor could I touch them
with the magic
that they crave
to be unbroken
then I myself,
lonely,
said hello
to good fortune.
Someone
came along
and lingered
and little by little
became everything
that makes the difference.
Oh, I wish such good luck
to everyone.
How beautiful it is
to be unbroken.

Life is amazing when you come out of that dark corner of your heart. Thank you, mom! She sent this to me at a time when I really needed it. It helped me realize that I am no longer broken.