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I'm a Recovering Drama Queen. I got tired of the same old lines.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Must Reads

There are two very talented writers I've been following recently. I read what they write and say, "Wow!"...most of the time I say this aloud (is it out loud or aloud?...never can remember).

One puts color and texture to emotions.

The other delves into dark places that break your heart yet give you hope...she lets you care for her characters. I have to look at the tag to make sure it's "fiction" her characters are so real!

Their words come from a place I can only hope to find someday.

I hope you'll enjoy these Must Reads.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

With a Hitch

I was in Tracy's wedding this past weekend. I got permission from her to post a photo taken of the two of us shortly before the ceremony. I'm going to let her write about it when she gets back from her fabulous honeymoon. What I will tell you is that she makes a lovely bride (and friend). I was honored to be in her wedding...and glad it all went off WITH A HITCH!

Get it? Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Beautiful Tracy...and me, wearing my chocolate "Truffle" dress

Peanut was not in the wedding, but she of course hung
out with us in the suite before the ceremony.
This is my new favorite picture of us, just wish it was
taken with a regular camera instead of my phone.

Friday, September 23, 2011

The Scare That Got My "Mojo" Back

Last Sunday night I let thoughts pop into my head and I replayed them trying to set them right. This led me to quite a frenzy. I searched old emails for validation that I was once loved...wishing the ending of that relationship stopped with those gracious and loving good-bye words...I re-read that letter, first time in over a year. I spent the night grieving that loss. I woke up tired, overly emotional yet hopeful.

I take myself to that place every time I start a new relationship, I know that about myself, but this time it felt different. This time it was more of a letting go. What started out feeling manic/crazy, left me open to feeling the pureness of healthy grief.

I was quite raw on Monday. I wasn't prepared for the meltdown at work. My job has been my one constant good thing for 10+ years. This past year I've found it increasingly hard to concentrate. Partly because I'm bored with what I do, but mostly because I'm depressed...so I sat at my desk most of the summer and fucked around. Work piled up, I just couldn't do it. Every now and then I'd get a burst of energy and start to catch up....then I'd go a week with barely getting a thing done. My reports were almost all late, which was especially bad because my workload increased by almost 30% this past year. I couldn't ask for help because I knew I'd be exposed as the slacker I'd become. A very big deadline was missed, and it caught up with me. My boss came to talk to me...this has never happened to me before...and I sat there and blubbered. He wasn't mad that I didn't get the work done, he was mad because I didn't ask for help. No, he was not going to fire me...but, yes, I needed to get my shit together. I've never been so disappointed in myself. Sure I could excuse it away, but not this time.

That was the scare that got my "mojo" back.

Friday, September 16, 2011

Old Friends

First, let me say a huge thank you to Melynda at Crazy World and Elisa at The Crazy Life of a Writing Mom. What a treat to have you guest blog for me! Thank you!!!!!

The trip to Boston for work to meet Juliana and to see my Papa Sam was awesome.

I arrived on Saturday morning. We took a water taxi to our hotel...so I had this lovely view:

Saturday night my cousins drove Papa Sam in from Connecticut for a visit. I was the happiest person on earth. Papa is 96...a little slow getting around and hard of hearin, but his personality is an American Treasure. So he walks with a cane. You don't need to help him get up...he does that on his own...but his walking pace is only slightly faster than my ex, The P.A.N., pays child support. This is not necessarily a bad thing. He loves to utilize his walking time to talk to passers by. He talks to everyone! It's great! And he'll grab your hand while he's talking to you...very engaging, endearing...that's my Papa Sam.

I was sad to see him go Saturday night. It gets harder each time.

Sunday we had a lot of free time before the conference started. Yes, I know this is the part you are all waiting for

Juliana and I met up! She was gracious enough to come to my hotel, so I wouldn't have to get a cab...and she showed me around Boston. We had someone take a picture of us hugging in honor of our

We then headed off for a little bit of shopping, lunch, and of course DESSERT! Juliana knew this fabulous bakery and we were on a mission to indulge!

We stopped off at Cheers (not the original, but still fun) for a bite of lunch. As we were dining, one of my co-workers happened to be walking by, so I shouted to her in the most obnoxious way called her over to meet Juliana. This is my favorite co-worker, Sandi...She's like a bonus big sister, and I often look to her for guidance. And she gives great hugs when I need them. I introduced the two of them and she went on her way.

We browsed a bit more after lunch and I shopped a bit and then it was time to say good-bye. I almost forgot to give her the last Cadbury Egg of the season! Thankfully she hadn't gone far. So she got the egg!

How I managed to save this egg without gobbling it up is beyond me, but I did, and it was consumed in proper fashion by Juliana (on the train where her boys and Tony couldn't have a taste).

Later that evening, my co-worker Sandi and I were talking at a dinner party. Someone asked me what I did during the day and I mentioned meeting up with Juliana and who she was (blogger friend). Sandi looked at me and said, "I forgot this was the friend you hadn't met before, the two of you looked more like old friends!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Catch Up

Good morning!

I only have a quick moment to post...so this is one of my "I can't post now, will post later" posts. By later I mean probably the end of this week.

Just got back into town last week and work is piling up on my desk.

I can't wait to share my trip to Boston for work and meeting 

Let me just say, she's every bit of wonderful fun and warmth that I expected!

I hope to post by Friday morning...and I have pictures!

Stephanie D.

PS - It'll take me a few days to catch up on posts. Haven't forgotten about ya, I promise!

Saturday, September 10, 2011

Melynda, Connecting for Stephanie

I've asked Melynda over at Crazy World to guest post for me while I'm in Boston this weekend, and as usual, she did not disappoint. Melynda is one of the most genuine people I've found on Blogger. I stumbled across her blog several months ago and it felt so good when she "followed" me almost immediately after I followed her. I've been hooked ever since. Her stories are the best! Read for yourself...

"Steph ask me to guest post for her today and brave lady that she is she didn't put any restrictions on what she wants me to write. I'm not sure if it's bravery or insanity but either way she gave me the hall pass so here it goes.

My mom is a total card. I can't write this stuff on my blog since she reads it but she won't read this so I'm good to go.

Everyone seems to think that their mom's are crazy. However I promise you that mine takes the cake. She has made some statements that will curl your toes and send you into peals of laughter. When she says these odd things you have to stay serious until you hang up. Then it's show time at the 'ol corral as laughter pores from your soul like water from a jar.

Examples you ask? Ok here are a couple:

When my sister came to live with me almost two years ago we sat talking about some of the bizarre things our mother says.

Kelsey, my sister, told me that she started saying "douche bag" around mom a while back and one day my mom asked her if she even knew what a "douche bag" was..

My sister shook her head no. (she's pretty innocent. Well was anyway.) and my mother informed her that a douche bag was a rag used in BIBLE days to clean up with after sex.

What the hell? I died laughing. Who says that? I told my sister what it really was and we have been laughing about it ever since.

Another one of her statements was that at 60 years of age my mother apparently has never gone through menopause.. Really? She hasn't had a period in 9 years. Come on now!

One time inadvertently my mother was cussing like a sailor. I say inadvertently because she hears a word that catches her fancy then uses it without knowing what it means.

I would tell you the words but they were in French so unless you are fluent you wouldn't get it, but one of them translates fairly easily and this was her (in English) faux pas.

She looked at a kid that was acting up in church and told him to stop acting like a little bastard. My jaw dropped. I had to pull her aside and explain what the word meant. The kid was stunned and sat quietly through the rest of church so I guess it was effective just not appropriate.

Her new favorite thing is to call people "AH's" What this breaks down to in her trying not to cuss mind is Ass hole. So if she says

Stop being an AH she just called you an asshole and that is her way around cussing. However if I say Freakin she goes bonkers and informs me that I shouldn't drop the F bomb, and God forbid anyone says fart, shit, or crap. NOT ACCEPTABLE!

So after these few examples (and believe me I have a million more) I hope that you will all go grab your mothers and give them a huge hug. Tell them you realized the error of your ways. There are much worse out there."

Friday, September 9, 2011

Letter to Myself

Dear Me,

I've asked a lot of you over the years and you've mostly listened, but my needs have changed and I'd like you to adapt to the changing me. Here is my laundry list:

I need you to listen more to the quieter voice that is sometimes afraid to speak up. She has a lot to say, but can't always interject when necessary.

I need you to take better care of my body. The junk food is making me tired, and I want to have the energy to enjoy day to day life. Take me on walks and remind me of the blessing to have perfectly good legs.

I need you to see the mistakes I've made have come from a heart that is still healing, still learning, still growing...and accept my apologies.

I need you to free my mind from clutter that doesn't permit me to step outside, or let people in...or even get work done on a busy day.

I need you to intercept the dreams that hurt me in the middle of the night and haunt me throughout the day. I'm tired of living with them, seriously! Please re-wire my subconscious...everyone will be happier.

I know you're trying your hardest, so I ask these things in the kindest of ways...I need you to like me.

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Up to My Eyeballs

It's been a busy week as I'm tyring to get ready to go out of town for work (and to meet Julianna!). Sorry I haven't had time to post, and I'm trying to save the longer posts for reading tonight when I have a moment to relax and enjoy them.

Between cleaning house (mom is coming to take care of Peanut while I'm gone), packing stuff up, finishing up work assignments, and what has now turned into an egg hunt for that Cadbury Egg I put away just for Julianna, you could say that...


hee hee

Yeah, I kind of feel like Peanut did in this photo from 2006!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Eye Catching

So many of you have posted things about eyes lately. I found it quite hysterical that my stepmother sent me this email today!

A man was dining alone in a fancy restaurant and there was a

gorgeous Blonde sitting at the next table..He had been checking

her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezed, and her glass eye came flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reached out, grabbed it out of the air, and handed it back.

'Oh my, I am so sorry,' the woman said, as she popped her eye back in place. 'Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you.'

They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they went to the theatre followed by drinks... They talked, they laughed, she shared her deepest dreams and he shared his. She listened to him with interest.

After paying for everything, she asked him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy was amazed. Everything had been so incredible!

'You know,' he said, 'you are the perfect woman.. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?'

'No,' she replies. . ..

Wait for it .. .....

It's coming .... .....

The suspense is killing you, isn't it?

She said ... ..:

'You just happened to catch my eye.'

Happy Birthday Melynda!

Today is Melynda over at Crazy World's birthday.

Go on, wish her a happy birthday, I'll wait.

And while you're at it, have a piece of cake or even a hot fudge sundae! It's Melynda's birthday, eat what you want!

Just don't overdo it, 'k?

Happy Birthday to one of my favorite bloggers (and friends)!!!!!


Sunday, September 4, 2011

The Real Blogs of Note

I received an award from The lovely Jewels a couple of days ago. Thank you, Jewels! You like me, you really like me! (Never liked the movie "Soap Dish" so I have no clue why I'm referencing it here).

If you haven't read Jewels' blog please take the time to. I'm always amazed at her wisdom and insight...not to mention her terrific writing style.

In order to properly accept this award I am to share three random facts about myself with you all:

1. I love the movie, "Love, Actually." The soundtrack from that movie makes me all mushy and sappy (more so than my usual mushiness). It is my favorite movie to watch over and over...especially on a plane ride.

2. I won a blue, banana seat bicycles with tassels, basket and bell from The Skipper Chuck show in the 1970's (elementary school...I wanna say 1st or 3rd grade). It was a local daily variety show for kids. I got to sit in the audience with my girl scout troop a few days before and apparently my name went into a drawing. Skipper Chuck was very big on promoting the Jerry Lewis Telethon for MD. I remember several times ordering their "carnival" kit so we could have a carnival in our backyard (no rides, just games, etc) to help raise money for MD. My sister was usually in charge and I remember her setting me up at a booth so people could challenge me to a game of Connect Four.

3. After an emotionally draining post (or posts), I get a high from the newly found me...and then I get needy. I need you to read what I have to say. I need you to comment. I need you to accept me. I NEED! So I take a big step back because, after all, I'm never too comfortable with my growing self. This was evident after this past week's posts (Taxi Cab parts I-VI). I don't have Peanut this weekend, I have hibernated...I'm quite lonely, sobbing for no reason, vegging out, depressed by the very thing that lifted me up the day before! Emotionally exhausted by what I wrote. It was big...and I don't know that I can live up to it. For a change, I'm not waiting for a knight in shining armour to rescue me...but I'm still a ways from being able to pick myself up. So this is probably not considered a "random" fact about me...but it's me.

And now to pass this award on to 7 others. There have been several kind people in the past few weeks who have given of themselves via their writing (and comments). I adore these people. They're extraordinary! It was hard to pick, so I tried to pick people I'm newly acquainted with.

1. Padded Cell Princess - Sweet comments from a far away place, at times you feel like a long-lost "little sister", we are forever linked by our musical noses!

2. Dee from Coming Home to Myself - your ability to connect is a gift. Thank you.

3. Desiree at Driftwood Ramblings - you always leave the most thoughtful comments...and her photos are amazing!

4. The Minute Man's Wife - this woman defines what it means to be a loving parent. "Girl child" need not come from you to be yours. She is yours simply because you love her like she is.

5. Soph - she's fantastic and you'll love her great stories about dating

6. Light208 at Choices and Shadows - her fiction makes me want to write and write and write...she puts her heart into every piece, you can tell.

7. Maxwell - because he's not afraid to say things that we all think from time to time and his wit leaves me speechless sometimes...plus he's following Peanut's Blog and I don't have to censor his comments.

Seven is really not enough....really...so take a look at my list of "The Real Blogs of Note" (to the left of this post). There you'll find some of my most treasured friends.   

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Taxi Cab (Part V and VI)

I got carried away writing this afternoon and finished the story...couldn't wait to share the last leg of her journey!


She saw him as much as possible over the next couple of years. Their relationship brought challenges to both of them, but the strength of that connection took them where they needed to go. It gave them direction when tough choices were to be made and new territory was explored (In all aspects of their lives). It provided comfort when they were not together. They gave of themselves in the purest of ways.

She grew into the woman she always hoped she could be, and he provided a safe place for her to do just that. He learned to remain present and vulnerable, resisting his tenancies for traveling alone yet learning how to ask for that time when he truly needed it…she learned to give him that time without feeling abandoned…never had she been more courageous.

The times they shared in the taxi cab were not to be permanent despite their best efforts. She remained hopeful, never wanting to look at the possibility of reaching different destinations. He desperately wanted to give her that dream, but relocating and uniting their families was not to be.
She heard it in his voice the last time they spoke, she saw it in his face as they said good-bye, she felt it in the way he held her so closely…as if he were trying to make that moment in time last longer. She lay still, wishing for the same.

Deep down, they both knew it was coming, the end of their journey.
They exchanged room in each other’s hearts when they said good-bye. Their words were warm and heartfelt…the beauty in which they said good-bye was a gift.
They continued their travels separately, checking in from time to time to reassure the other the love they had was real.
She showed amazing strength and courage as she set out each day, but still held onto that exquisite bag he gave her. She took it everywhere as she was convinced the contents she had collected while with him defined who she was. His love defined her worth.


When she learned he moved on she searched that bag over and over, trying to figure out what could have been missing, why she wasn’t enough. She dug deep and eventually destroyed its delicate features and all that was in it. Dejected, she pulled her old bags out of her closet.

She searched for beauty in the first bag, but chose not to see it the way she did before.

She searched for her voice in the second bag, but the tone was not right and its words echoed a painful past.

She never did recover the third bag…the one filled with stale memories and old experiences…but those memories managed to haunt her dreams.

She wandered hopelessly for a very long time, desperately wanting to feel the way she did in that cab, with that man, clinging to that tattered, exquisite bag…and tormenting herself with the shame of ruining it.

She found herself on a park bench one afternoon, a gust of wind blew her bag off the bench and she chased after it. The bag landed on a street corner and she knelt down to pick it up. When she stood back up she noticed a taxi cab in front of her.

The window rolled down, and the cab driver asked her if she needed a ride. She reluctantly agreed, and opened the door to the back seat. “That back seat is filled with junk, you wouldn’t want to sit back there, trust me.”

She was about to open the door to the passenger seat in the front when the cabbie said, “You seem like you’ve been here a while and I need a rest. If I turn off the meter could you drive yourself?”

She hesitated before taking the keys. “I’m a little rusty," she said.

“Perhaps this will help you. A former passenger left this in the backseat.”

The cab driver handed her a familiar bag. It was the old and stale one she had lost long ago! She peeked into the bag and was amazed at what she saw.

The old memories were fresh and tidy, tucked away in a pocket of the bag. They had been cared for all this time! The rest of the bag was empty, clean and restored to its original beauty…She carefully put the tattered, once exquisite bag in the remaining empty pocket where it could be stored, but not forgotten.

“I think I know where I’m going now,” she said…and the cab driver’s eyes shut, but not before giving her a wink and saying, "You knew all along, you just needed to believe you were ready"

Taxi Cab (Part IV)

The next morning she leaped out of bed and bounded out the door. She had a plan...and out she went.

She left her bags behind that day, abandoning the burden of carrying them...her arms now free to welcome what the day had to offer.

"Where would you like to go today, Sweetie?" he asked when he pulled up beside her.

"Today will be a day of firsts," she said as she entered the front passenger side of the cab.

"Then you'll need this," he said as he handed her the most exquisite bag she had ever seen. It was tiny, delicate...perfect. He knew her so well!

They spent the day exploring new avenues, making love each time they arrived at their destination. The love was intense, complete, connected...which was a first for her.

They took turns driving that day, often getting lost...delighted in what they discovered along the way. They needed no directions. They became equals that day.

That evening she floated home...filling the empty space in her heart with warm light, happiness, confidence. She reveled in the depth of her feelings. "So this is what it feels like," she thought to herself as she cradled the bag he had given her in her arms.