Next week will be my last Thursday night session with my group. It's been three years of "family time" that I can count on. Last month I decided it was time to leave. Everything in my life was coming together, so it just felt like time. Not two or three days after that I took an unexpected nose-dive emotionally and questioned whether I was ready. Had I really come as far as I thought? It was a long month with more downs than ups. After this past weekend I was sure I wasn't ready...and then I felt a most surprising shift...it was in the midst of really sad news...news that the old me would have felt devastation over for months and months...news that would have at one time in my life set me so far back you'd think I hadn't changed a bit. I dealt with only the current situation. I saw it from both sides and felt the pain the other person was going through. I made my needs and wants known. I cried, and lifted my head again. I'm not sure how this chapter in my life will play out and I still carry hope.
I expected to walk into last night's session a basket case in need of one big box of tissues...I wasn't. People greeted me tentatively, not wanting to set the tears in motion...they didn't. I talked about my feelings with as much depth as I usually do...only it didn't swallow me up...
Without asking for it Susan gave me a, "You're going to be just fine...and we're going to miss you".
I wouldn't call next Thursday's session a graduation from therapy, it's not...you're never "done"...I'll carry the last three years with me forever...a masterpiece of emotions that is never quite finished.
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