The Land of Unknown Friendships

She surveys the area

A slight hint of hesitation

Possibly a moment of fear

Then she skips right into

The Land of Unknown Friendships

Because she's seven...

And that's what you do on the playground.

Agreed?

I have to admit, I like writing about my angst and sorrow.
It makes for a good read
When I'm in need.

It's a lot of fun to worry about today and tomorrow.
When I hear my soul plead
It's sadness I feed.

So I'll ask you this, "Do you have some pain I can borrow?"
"Does your heart bleed?"
"I'll take that on for you, agreed?"

The Whole Sensation

I had an answer for you this time.
In the dark,
Face to face,
Stars shining above.


"What are you thinking right now?"


Without hesitation,
And from the deepest place in my heart,
"I don't think I've ever loved anyone
As much as I do you."


I could barely distinguish your eyes
From the stars above,
But the look you gave me back was real.


A sensation of being whole came over me.
My mind raced with the knowledge
That the heart I show to you
Is the most complete and nourished heart
I've ever been able to share with anyone.

Worth Missing

I hate days when I'm feeling needy.
It just clouds the fact that I miss you
simply because you're worth missing.

Shula

Shula was an especially sensitive duckling. The slightest bit of cold water on her feathers sent her in a tizzy.

I was overly agreeable in my mid 20's, especially when it came to "keeping" a love interest. I refused to show disappointment if it meant there was the slightest possibility I might lose that person by doing so.

"You're just like a human, Shula!" the other ducklings told her, "You let the littlest things get you. Why can't you just let the water roll off your back like the rest of us do? What kind of duck are you that you let water bother you?"

"You let everything roll off your back like a duck!" he said to me. "How come nothing upsets you? You never let anything bother you."

Shula endured constant badgering.

He constantly devalued me and put me down.

Shula asked them why they did this and their reply was, "We'll keep doing it as long as you let us."

I said to him once, "So what you're saying is if others kick me down you'll kick me down further?" His reply was, "If you let me, sure."

Shula eventually moved to another pond, she didn't miss the other ducklings but their message lingered in her mind.

I broke up with David on my birthday. It was a present to myself...Not a day went by that I regretted that decision, but his words stuck.

Shula decided to reinvent herself...sure the cold water still bothered her, but she was no weakling...she could take it...even on the coldest of days...her mind was consumed with proving she could endure the cold water just as well as any duckling...eventually she was numb.

I resolved to do the exact opposite of letting things roll off my back. I was not going to put up with even the slightest injustice...my mind was often stuck on the negative. I was hypersensitive to how people treated me.  It was a full time job to fight those who wronged me, until none of my days were filled with joy...I was always angry.

The Healing

I tried to read between the silence
Hoping to understand him better.
Wanting the moment to pass quickly
So we could go back to being ourselves.


I let the anxiety build
Until I burst out crying.
This time I let my daughter see me cry.
It was hard and felt wrong,
Something I hope to never do again

I let my child comfort me
With hugs and kisses, tissues and a bologna sandwich.
I did my best to comfort her back.
The fresh air at the park was healing for us both.

The disagreement with him grew stronger,
And my emotions took over.
Fear of loss, and feeling shamed.
Regrets over my insensitivity.
Anger over his harsh words.
Words I wasn't used to.

I had put it all out there recently.
I opened up in many ways.
Suddenly that felt like it wasn't enough.
How was it possible for us to be in this place?
Oh, G_d, we could lose each other!

When I finally heard his voice the sobbing began.
Sobs in past relationships I'd hide.
I knew I couldn't do that anymore,
So I let them come.

We were both real and raw in that moment.
The tenderness in our voices slowly coming back.
This is what you do when your lover is your best friend.
This is what you do when you've built a foundation.
Something I didn't have in the past,
But know from experience is necessary.

An understanding will come from our appreciation of each other,
As will the healing.

A Day Late for the Party- Love Your Face

What party you ask?

The celebration of Melynda's book!









There are exceptional people in my bloggerhood, and Melynda is one of those people. She's not only funny and warm, she's strong and brave. Her outlook on life is inspiring and her posts are daily reminders of the goodness in this world.

I'm sorry I'm so late with this blog post. Yesterday got away from me, workwise.

Melynda, good luck with your surgery today. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

I highly recommend her book, so click on the link and check it out. It was put together by some very loving friends, but it's all Melynda.
As Melynda would say, "Love your face!"