I tried to read between the silence
Hoping to understand him better.
Wanting the moment to pass quickly
So we could go back to being ourselves.
I let the anxiety build
Until I burst out crying.
This time I let my daughter see me cry.
It was hard and felt wrong,
Something I hope to never do again
I let my child comfort me
With hugs and kisses, tissues and a bologna sandwich.
I did my best to comfort her back.
The fresh air at the park was healing for us both.
The disagreement with him grew stronger,
And my emotions took over.
Fear of loss, and feeling shamed.
Regrets over my insensitivity.
Anger over his harsh words.
Words I wasn't used to.
I had put it all out there recently.
I opened up in many ways.
Suddenly that felt like it wasn't enough.
How was it possible for us to be in this place?
Oh, G_d, we could lose each other!
When I finally heard his voice the sobbing began.
Sobs in past relationships I'd hide.
I knew I couldn't do that anymore,
So I let them come.
We were both real and raw in that moment.
The tenderness in our voices slowly coming back.
This is what you do when your lover is your best friend.
This is what you do when you've built a foundation.
Something I didn't have in the past,
But know from experience is necessary.
An understanding will come from our appreciation of each other,
As will the healing.
About Me
- Stephanie D
- I'm a Recovering Drama Queen. I got tired of the same old lines.
Beautifully expressed. I sincerely hope all will be well. Working through the tough emotions is what builds relationships and makes them strong.
ReplyDeleteI hope everything's okay where you are, Stephanie. Virtual hugs, okay?
ReplyDeleteDesiree is right!
ReplyDeleteThat's beautiful, Stephanola, but if you're not o.k., then please let me know if I can help you in any way.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Janieola
Thank you, sweet friends! I'm okay, thank you for asking.
ReplyDeleteSteph, you'll be fine. Trust in that. :) I believe you still have my number if you need it.
ReplyDelete(((HUGS)))
Juli
this reminds me of what i recently experienced with my girlfriend. during a disagreement, we totally went raw with our emotions, something i wasn't used to doing without fleeing. but we have built such a positive relationship and are so good to each other that that foundation seemed to save us. it was a new and divine experience. what a wonderful piece.
ReplyDeleteSounds like a good thing between you (if this is about you). All good relationships have bumps and a few tears. It's the mending together that makes them so special.
ReplyDeleteAhhh...
ReplyDeleteKisses from Maui!
Dear Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteDesiree and Ed have encapsulated what I felt when I read this posting. Building a nurturing relationship takes time and work, but I can see that you are into this for the long haul. And everything seems so promising.
Peace.
Oh Stephanie! So many emotions went through me as I read this.
ReplyDeleteI do think these moments can make relationships stronger. I hope you're doing awesome today ;)
Hey kiddo! Fights happen when you are with anyone. I hope you resolve this as I know you truly care for him. Here is some good solid advice.. One it's ok for your kid to see you cry. She needs to understand mommy hurts too.. Second go get some cadbury mini eggs. They only come out this time of year and they heal all hurts. :) Ok most hurts.. Some hurts? Your comment yesterday had me rolling.
ReplyDeleteMelynda, thanks for some sage advice. I've talked with her quite a bit about what happened Monday. She seems okay with it. I have already had my fill of Cadbury eggs (mini and full-sized) for the year...and still I buy more.
DeleteRudolph might use the funny I posted on your blog yesterday as a bit (or give it to a female comic to use). And it's true...I just didn't want my ex in the "car" with me. hee hee
Oh Stephanie... that was just so "raw" like I walked into the middle of it... Beautifully written by you but I am sorry about the tough time you are having xoxo
ReplyDelete