I tried to read between the silence
Hoping to understand him better.
Wanting the moment to pass quickly
So we could go back to being ourselves.
I let the anxiety build
Until I burst out crying.
This time I let my daughter see me cry.
It was hard and felt wrong,
Something I hope to never do again
I let my child comfort me
With hugs and kisses, tissues and a bologna sandwich.
I did my best to comfort her back.
The fresh air at the park was healing for us both.
The disagreement with him grew stronger,
And my emotions took over.
Fear of loss, and feeling shamed.
Regrets over my insensitivity.
Anger over his harsh words.
Words I wasn't used to.
I had put it all out there recently.
I opened up in many ways.
Suddenly that felt like it wasn't enough.
How was it possible for us to be in this place?
Oh, G_d, we could lose each other!
When I finally heard his voice the sobbing began.
Sobs in past relationships I'd hide.
I knew I couldn't do that anymore,
So I let them come.
We were both real and raw in that moment.
The tenderness in our voices slowly coming back.
This is what you do when your lover is your best friend.
This is what you do when you've built a foundation.
Something I didn't have in the past,
But know from experience is necessary.
An understanding will come from our appreciation of each other,
As will the healing.