Remember When You Could Get Screwballs for a Dime?

Picked Peanut up from school yesterday and headed over to "The Castle Park" (her name for the park). The weather was beautiful. To be honest, I was in it for the ice cream. They have these Popsicle thingy's that are shaped like Pink Panther, or Dora, Ninja Turtle, etc...and they taste amazing. I actually looked them up on-line to see if they carry them in any stores...they don't. You have to be a vendor to buy them. They call them "Impulse Buys"...(that's what they told me in an email). Darn. I wish my brother Erik had become the ice cream man like he said he was going to be when he was young. Speaking of the ice cream man, our neighborhood ICM growing up was named Poncho. Don't ask me how I remember this from 30+ years ago, but I do. I remember paying $0.10 for a Screwball ice cream! I also remember when my mom gave us a quarter for two Screwballs and Poncho only gave us one...the price had gone up to $0.25. We argued over who would get the Screwball...my mom stuck it in the freezer. Case closed. Poncho was nice. If you told him about something good that happened to you or a good story he'd sometimes give you free candy. And while I'm remembering names, our mailman's name was Paul. Great, big guy...bald, glasses, always sweating.

I have no clue now what my mailman's name is or the ice-cream man for that matter...but I remember when you could get Screwballs for a dime. Hmmmm...................

PS- The park was awesome. What a nice way to spend the afternoon...and we left without incident (which I heavily praised her for).

The Land of Enchantment

Here are the photos from our Spring Break trip. Had a wonderful time with my mom and Peanut, visiting old friends and bonding with my camera. I'm not afraid of the camera anymore! Still have much to learn though... I've put these in random order. Captions will come another time.

Hot Cars and Kisses

Weird does not even describe the dreams I've had this past week.

Monday night the dream was about my car, Sally. I dreamt that I traded her in for what I thought was a newer model and it turned out to be older and with 95,000 miles!

Tuesday night (or possibly Wednesday morning) I had people coming and going from my house for no particular reason...and then Matt Damon was carrying down a big TV from upstairs. I helped him with it and then we kissed each other. Love his work, but don't particularly find him attractive so it was very odd that he'd be in a dream. The kiss was really good though. Normally my dream kisses are just terrible, all of them have been terrible except this one and one other...hmmmmm? Ever see the movie "Never Been Kissed?" It was like that kiss in the end between Michael Vartan's character and Drew B's character. He just walks right up to her and takes that kiss! Hands down, my favorite movie kiss. Darn! Would have loved to have kissed Michael V in my dream.

Last night I had a dream that Peanut was with me and we had just parked my car in our garage. We were coming from a rummage sale at Mimi and Paw Paw's house. I scored a major find with one of those desks like we had in grade school! I know, odd. So I go out to get it from the car (which I forgot to lock in my dream) and my car is gone! Stolen!

Why am I having so many dreams about Sally?

And just what does that kiss really mean?

Stay tuned for another episode of hot cars and yummy kisses.

Star Student

This is what I made. This beautiful, lovable, friendly, outgoing, smart, inquisitive, curious little girl. We give each other so much.

She's the "Star Student" of her class this week...but she's my star every day.

That Much Needed Hug

I saw you in my dreams last night. We almost passed each other, but I called out to you. You turned around and looked at me like you didn't know what to do next. So I hugged you as tightly as I could...and you hugged me back as much as you were able (which now feels okay). No words said.

Took a short hike this morning and sat at the foothills of the mountains. I tried to feel that again, that much needed hug, one last time. I walked back feeling a bit lighter.

Letter to Joy Joy

I try to write directly to the people I know are actually reading my blog. Not hard to do since there are only about a handful! Today I have a grieving friend and I'm sorry I'm not in town to be there for her. So here is my letter...

Dear Joy Joy,

I felt very sad after we spoke this morning. A thought for you regarding our conversation...Your mom knows how much you love her even if you think you didn't always show it. She knows. That's part of being a mother. That kind of love is unspoken. I'm sorry that you're losing her. I am thinking of you, my friend.

Love you!
Stephanie

Lantana Season

Greetings from Albuquerque! Peanut and I are on Spring Break visiting Nana. If my photos actually come out (I'm using the D100) I will post them.

Peanut is sleeping and I finally have some time to sit down and write. It is good to be here. Some unexpected and wonderful memories are coming back to me. Some from recent trips and some from years ago. I'm going to keep those memories to myself...almost too perfect to share.

A couple of weekends ago I was in pretty bad shape. Spent the whole weekend crying or in bed or both...it was pitiful and scary for me. Grief that just felt like it came out of nowhere. Some Brian related, some Russell related, and then everything in-between. I couldn't even bring myself to reach out to anyone. I canceled plans at the last minute and just wept in bed on Sunday.

Monday I called and made an appointment to talk to Susan. It felt good to unload. Realized that it was natural for me to feel the way I did. New grief apparently can bring back old grief (who knew!)...and I've had a lot of loss in the last 8 months (Including not having my Thursday night group). So I wept a little more and then it started to subside. Comfort, I found comfort in knowing there's nothing "wrong" with me...I'm supposed to feel this way...and hopefully only for a little bit longer.

Reached out to those people who are currently in my life. Reached out to a friend that I've had for 20 years...as it turned out, he needed a friend even more than I did...the timing was just right. There's a validation in knowing that you were and always will be meaningful to someone...that years can pass yet you still are connected enough to be there at just the right time. I wonder... if you see someone as a "reason" person in your life, but they are your "reason" person off and on over several years...do they end up being a "lifetime" person? Or are they more "seasonal"...like the lantana in the flower pot by my front door...I've had it for eight years...and it comes back and flowers every year...even when I think it won't.

Special

Earlier this week I brought Peanut to my office. It was after I picked her up from school. There's much to be said about your co-workers watching your child grow up. Felt a lot of pride this particular time. Peanut was her usually talkative self only this time she didn't need a warm-up period. She wanted to go room by room and say hello to everyone (my friends as she calls them...and some of them are). I have to say that everyone who saw her Monday has said something to me about her. The biggest compliment made by several people is how happy she is. Warms my heart to be able to say, "Yes, she's happy all the time." Knowing this makes our relationship all the more special.

Sure

Apparently "sure" is the new "okay"...Maybe I never noticed this before, but an awful lot of friends are saying "sure" when they acknowledge something you say rather than "okay".

Not sure if I really like this, "but like, actually...I'm so sure!"