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I'm a Recovering Drama Queen. I got tired of the same old lines.

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Lantana Season

Greetings from Albuquerque! Peanut and I are on Spring Break visiting Nana. If my photos actually come out (I'm using the D100) I will post them.
Peanut is sleeping and I finally have some time to sit down and write. It is good to be here. Some unexpected and wonderful memories are coming back to me. Some from recent trips and some from years ago. I'm going to keep those memories to myself...almost too perfect to share.
A couple of weekends ago I was in pretty bad shape. Spent the whole weekend crying or in bed or both...it was pitiful and scary for me. Grief that just felt like it came out of nowhere. Some Brian related, some Russell related, and then everything in-between. I couldn't even bring myself to reach out to anyone. I canceled plans at the last minute and just wept in bed on Sunday.
Monday I called and made an appointment to talk to Susan. It felt good to unload. Realized that it was natural for me to feel the way I did. New grief apparently can bring back old grief (who knew!)...and I've had a lot of loss in the last 8 months (Including not having my Thursday night group). So I wept a little more and then it started to subside. Comfort, I found comfort in knowing there's nothing "wrong" with me...I'm supposed to feel this way...and hopefully only for a little bit longer.
Reached out to those people who are currently in my life. Reached out to a friend that I've had for 20 years...as it turned out, he needed a friend even more than I did...the timing was just right. There's a validation in knowing that you were and always will be meaningful to someone...that years can pass yet you still are connected enough to be there at just the right time. I wonder... if you see someone as a "reason" person in your life, but they are your "reason" person off and on over several years...do they end up being a "lifetime" person? Or are they more "seasonal"...like the lantana in the flower pot by my front door...I've had it for eight years...and it comes back and flowers every year...even when I think it won't.

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