A Night Without Barkley

Peanut's Great Grandma Rose died yesterday. She was 102! This is Robert D's maternal grandmother. Grandma Rose had been living in Dallas for the past 4 years, so Peanut got to spend a lot of time with her (she lived at Mimi and Paw Paw's house for most of that time). We used to enjoy dinners with her on the Tuesday nights when Mimi would pick Peanut up from school for me. Most of the time her brain was pretty sharp, it was her body that failed her. She had the most beautiful face for her age, nice complexion. Very pretty lady and I love that Peanut looks a little like her.

Robert D had been at the hospital all day yesterday (they took Grandma off of life support in the morning). I picked up Peanut from school for him and kept her overnight. Usually Barkley only goes in her backpack on days when she switches houses...so The Barks was still at Daddy's House when I picked her up. It was about 8pm when she realized that she'd have to go to bed without Barkley. She's only done this once in her life, so big tears started flowing. Add to that the sadness she was feeling knowing Grandma Rose was dying and that she wouldn't be able to see her to say good-bye and we were seconds away from a full blown meltdown. I wouldn't blame her if she went that route...it had been a tough day and The Barks is such a steady comfort for her. I bargained in ways I wouldn't normally. I told her she could put her giant stuffed horse, Rain, in the bed along with her mechanical dog Biscuit and the rest of the Barkley family (Baby Barks, Big Barks, Fluffy Barks and Boop)...she was still tearing up when I was trying to get her PJ's on...finally just looked at her and said, "Would it help if I let you sleep in your Belle costume?". That did the trick for about 1 minute and the tears rolled again..."How about if Mommy lets you sleep with her old Snoopy?"....Bright eyes, and a big grin! She's never been able to sleep with my 40 year old Snoopy dog...I wouldn't even sleep with him for fear he'd turn into shreds. Telling her about all the repairs that Papa Sam had made to Snoopy when I was little helped calm her down. I found that relaying stories about her great grandparents (living and deceased) has really helped this past week. She's felt more connected and so have I.

She was ready for bed after reading for about 20 minutes (some book about a stinky kid). Gave her a hug and a kiss, told her to "be my sunshine in the morning" and left the room...after about 2 minutes she called out that she couldn't sleep. Told her to try really hard. Five minutes later not a peep out of her.

I hope she never has to spend another night without Barkley.

Trouble Brewing

Who knew a book I purchased in 2006 for $1.00 would become a favorite?! Found this book at a dollar store in October of 2006. Peanut picked it out, I think. It was a book called "Trouble Brewing"...a Halloween book. I first read it to her when she was about 2 1/2. By the end of the month she practically had it memorized. We've pulled it out around Halloween time every year and she even brought it with her to day care to recite. I often use silly voices for characters in stories, and the voices I've used for these particular characters have remained the same over the years. This year Peanut can read the book on her own and using the voices! She was Star Student this week at school and one of the items she was to bring in was her favorite book. She brought "Trouble Brewing" to class with her on Tuesday. She told me that usually her teacher would read the Star Student's book to their classmates...This time was different.  Peanut got to read her book voices and all! I must admit, she tells it better than I. When I picked her up from school I found her reading to a couple of her classmates. It was adorable!

"Delicious" she cackled

"It still needs some snake skins, Dizzy"

"What's that dreadful smell?" he bellowed

I need to figure out how to put audio on this blog...I guess you kind of just have to be there to really appreciate "Trouble Brewing".

Quite Extraordinary

We had the parent/teacher conference with Peanut's teacher a couple of weeks ago. Her reading tested at a third grade level and her math was at a second grade level...this, of course, makes me very proud as she's only in first grade. The teacher said she hasn't noticed Peanut getting distracted to the point where it affects her work...if anything, she said that Peanut tends to get too into her work which makes it hard for her to follow directions and move on to the next assignment, etc. She said that she writes 3-5 pages in her journal when only a sentence is required and that she thinks she'll make a great actress! Fun!

Perhaps the most touching piece of news was when she said that Peanut befriended another girl in the class who was having difficulty making friends. It feels so good when people notice her kind, sensitive side...makes me feel even better that she has that capacity. I was always the shy, timid kid in school...having a social butterfly for a child is more than I could have hoped for. The fact that she uses that skill for the benefit of others makes her quite extraordinary in my eyes.

Miner Issues

After lunch today I decided to run downstairs to the vending machine to get a chocolate bar...been sleepy a lot lately and needed a quick fix of chocolate. Pretty fed up with antidepressants at the moment, but telling myself the side effects are nothing compared to the alternative.

So I make it downstairs with 70 cents in hand (I had to borrower a quarter from a co-worker because all my spare change goes to Peanut these days)...the machine will only accept exact change. Drat! Run back upstairs and ask around for a nickel. Have my trusty nickel and change in my hand as I'm walking downstairs and I dropped it all (I gotta stop swinging my arms when I walk!). Double Drat and boogers! Managed to find the change and am about to partake in a probably stale Butterfinger.

I was walking up the stairs and reminded myself about the miners from Chile. I've been following this since it was first reported they were trapped (and possibly dead). Terrific story of bravery. I think at this point 21 of the 33 have been pulled to safety after spending over 2 months trapped in a mine... in mostly darkness. Think about it! No sunshine, no fresh air for over 2 months! Made me stop and take a minute to be thankful that I'm not in that darkness right now. Amazing rescue, amazing story of people coming together, people at their best. Stale or not, I'm going to enjoy that Butterfinger without complaint...and everything else in my life that's bothering me right now seems minor compared to that life changing event for those men and their families...not to mention the people who helped rescue them.

Today, the only issues I need be concerned with are Miner issues.

Relationship Books

I'm on a roll, so I'm going to keep going with this bad date from dating sites theme...read a profile today from a guy who I saw read mine. It was a little wishy washy, but nice and he was nice looking so I kept reading... he wrote something about how he's had failed relationships in the past (he's divorced, so I assumed that) yaddi yaddi...no big deal at that point...then I look at the section where you get to write your likes and dislikes. Under "books read" he wrote, "I write relationship books". Huh?!

So if he ever were to say to someone, "I write bad relationship books" would that mean he writes books about bad relationships or relationship books that are bad?!...just sayin'

Out of the Blues

Had a bit of a hard time this past weekend. Went on 3 separate dates and came up 0 for 3 (I know, feast or famine). It's getting easier to recognize when someone is not a good match for me, but still feeling quite let down.

I've got a pretty big case of the blues right now. I just don't want to be sitting across from anyone new, grinning through my disappointment. I'm tired of wishing I could be back in a relationship that felt comfortable and equally matched...where there was no awkward silence, only connected silence...where there were no doubts about how the other person felt about me (and vice versa). I want to feel like I did when I was with Russell those first few dates. That almost instant "I get you" feeling that comes when you're truly with someone who sees you for you.

Reminds me of a line in a Steve Perry song, ..."the trick of the dreamer is keeping yourself from the blues"...Only I didn't do a good job of keeping myself from there and now just want to be out of the blues.