I've had emotional intimacy. I wasn't searching for it at the time. At the time, the only thing I was searching for was myself. You see, I lost myself in my marriage. Gone was my sense of humor, my self worth, my courage. Wasted was my warmth and kindness... my smile rarely showing itself. I was in there all along, but I was too afraid to embrace myself...all of me, even my faults.
One day a kind soul looked deep inside my heart and helped me realize I was enough. He patiently and effortlessly supported me, we supported each other...and as the love grew, so did we. I no longer feared being vulnerable, it was safe to be me...we provide that safe place for each other. It was powerful, emotional, real, and most of all connected.
When we said good-bye I grieved the loss. The old, damaged me screamed, "It's all your fault!"...and, even though I knew it wasn't, I carried that pain. Slowly I learned that it was okay to keep those memories, I didn't have to deny they happened in order to let go...perhaps most of all I've learned to how treasure them, but still look forward.
We get to choose who we love or don't love. I vow to choose wisely, for once you've shared the gift of intimacy anything less just won't do.
I once felt less than,
Then I was half of a "we",
Now I'm all of me.