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I'm a Recovering Drama Queen. I got tired of the same old lines.

Sunday, August 7, 2011

Her Backbone (Part III)

She had been asked several times over the course of her adult years what the one thing in life was that she had regrets over. It's amazing how she had blocked that "fatherless" year out of her mind. Something triggered it the other day, and she finally felt some grown-up sadness and regret. She'd take back that year and do it differently if she could.

She wishes she could tell you that the reunion with her father was a profound moment. It wasn't. She didn't wake up one morning and miss her father. It wasn't like that at all. He happened to call and she picked up the phone.

"I'd like it if you'd come with us to the Youth Fair tomorrow," he said. And she agreed...without hesitation. She wanted to go to the Fair...and quite frankly, her mom couldn't afford it. That's what she told herself. It felt that cold. She wouldn't feel the damage until later in life.

Looking back she can barely remember that reunion with the exception that it was awkward. She didn't know her father anymore, and he didn't know her. Slowly things came back together and they just fell back into place, never speaking of that lost year.

Sure they had their moments, and there were times when the anger and hurt of living her parents' divorce would take over, but cutting her father out of her life was no longer an option.

It didn't take courage to go back to seeing her father, the real strength and courage would come much later in life...it was that moment she was in her car last week and realized that she did have one regret. One very big one, and she wanted to tell her father how very sad she was that they lost that year.

She sat in the sadness a little bit, letting herself feel that loss without it overcoming her. Writing helped.

She dialed his number, one of the few numbers she knows by heart.

"Hey, there, Daddy-O,......" she said as she straightened her backbone.


  1. You can't stop there! What did he say? I love the character growth this shows. So powerful! I wish one of my friends could read this. She still hasn't talked to her father since she was eleven. :(

  2. I love this. I seem to lose my Father then regain him over and over. He doesn't reach out to me very often. Rather he berates me over my lack of calling. I used to get very sad when he did that. Now, I call him out and tell him the last time I checked, the phone works both ways.

    The only thing that helps me is to remember that he is human and far from perfect, just like me...

  3. This is a tough one for me.. I love what you are doing here and it is sooo well written but my little Meg is where you were and she struggles with any contact with her father. In fact there are times I think she hates him. I wish I could fix this but she is the only one that can. It makes me sad.

  4. E- Please feel free to share this with your friend. It's a horrible feeling to have that regret...even if the relationship has long since been repaired.

    Melynda- as hard as it will be, keep trying with her (and if you are able-keep trying with your ex. Girls need their daddy's)

    Tracy - My dad and I don't talk on the phone very often...we're just not good at it, but when I talk with my stepmom I know it gets back to him...that seems to be what keeps us connected in-between visits...though I wish he'd visit more.

  5. Again... love how this is coming together.

    But I have to say, that I also love that no matter how much she pushed him out, he kept asking regardless of how much it may have disappointed him everytime she said no, Waiting for the one day that she would say yes.

    THAT is being a parent.

  6. What I like is the way you show reunions as being awkward and not the pivotal moments that movies and telly try to make them. Good stuff.