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I'm a Recovering Drama Queen. I got tired of the same old lines.

Friday, June 17, 2011

For the Step-mom's out there

Melynda's recent post reminded me of something I heard in therapy. Yes, I go to therapy once a week. It's a group setting with one therapist and 8 beautifully f-'d up people I call "family".

Normally I wouldn't talk about discussions in therapy, it's a huge no-no. I think I can talk about this without revealing too much.

This warmed my heart as I have a step-mom and could see myself as one as well some day. "Elle" is in the process of a divorce. She has helped raised her step-kids since they were wee bitty things, often giving them more care and attention than their own parents were capable of. She loved them like they were her own. Her step-daughter went through all sorts of emotions when she found out about the divorce. The angry came and went, and then she made this statement to "Elle":

"She's trying to replace you and she can never do that!"

She was talking about her mom and, due to the divorce and the fact that dad travels a lot, the mom was now picking up and taking to places, etc. Now her mom has always been in her life, though there were times when she lived primarily with dad...and "Elle".

What a beautiful and profound gift she gave "Elle" with that statement! It was a validation that she made a difference.

My dad and step-mom's 30th anniversary was this week. She was my dad's mistress, so the way they got together hurt a lot of people...the fact is though, they're made for each other...and it's the numerous phone calls I've had with my step-mom over the years that leave me feeling closer to my dad (he's not a phone talker and lives far away). I have her to thank for that...and I tell her every chance I get. It took a lot of years to get past the pain of my parents divorce, but I'm glad I did. I have two moms out of this deal...and neither can replace the other.

Despite the fact that I sometimes secretly like the fact that Peanut doesn't like her soon-to-be step-mom, I hope she ends up with the experience I have had. Step-mom's can truly enrich your life.

So this post is for the step-mom's out there. Good for you for loving your babies like they're your own.


  1. I really like that post a lot. Both deserve their own love and respect, whether it's your biological mother or not. They are both important and should be treated with such importance.

  2. A+++++++++ post Stephanie.

  3. .Stephanie I want to thank you for this post. As a step parent that loves my boy as much as if I had given him life myself I can tell you that reading this meant a whole lot to me. Thank you for being able to recognize that step parents also play a big role in childrens lives. As for Peanut.. Children have their own ways of dealing with things. She may love or hate her new step mom and it really depends on how the step handles things. Good luck with that one. I have been on both sides of this story.

  4. It's very refreshing that you can be so adult about it. Sometimes it's almost like we're conditioned to be expected to hate people in particular situations regardless of their individual merits.

    My ex's husband has been a pretty damn good dad to my kids and I respect him for that. My own step dad has been awesome, particularly as its hard to replace someone who's died and left a family.

    So respect for you for saying that and yes, I hope Peanut is able to say the same at some point!

  5. This is such an amazing post. This part really touched me and showed me (even more) what a wonderful mother you are.

    "Despite the fact that I sometimes secretly like the fact that Peanut doesn't like her soon-to-be step-mom, I hope she ends up with the experience I have had. Step-mom's can truly enrich your life."

    Very well stated ;) I loved this post!

  6. Thank you so much for the great feedback! I meant every word.

  7. Hey girly. Actually I went to training yesterday and there were three women yesterday that had previously on anti depressants and they have all been taken off there meds from the doctors. I can send you any information you need to take to your doctor if you are interested.

  8. It's good to hear your so close with your step mother, lots of people can't get past the break up and see the new wonderful member of the family.

  9. You are so fortunate to have discovered the joy of a step-mom and proving once again that they are not all wicked and evil like in the stories.

  10. I love my sister! She is so easy to tease though. She read my post this morning and texted me the word ass. lol She's laughing pretty hard now.