Melynda's recent post reminded me of something I heard in therapy. Yes, I go to therapy once a week. It's a group setting with one therapist and 8 beautifully f-'d up people I call "family".
Normally I wouldn't talk about discussions in therapy, it's a huge no-no. I think I can talk about this without revealing too much.
This warmed my heart as I have a step-mom and could see myself as one as well some day. "Elle" is in the process of a divorce. She has helped raised her step-kids since they were wee bitty things, often giving them more care and attention than their own parents were capable of. She loved them like they were her own. Her step-daughter went through all sorts of emotions when she found out about the divorce. The angry came and went, and then she made this statement to "Elle":
"She's trying to replace you and she can never do that!"
She was talking about her mom and, due to the divorce and the fact that dad travels a lot, the mom was now picking up and taking to places, etc. Now her mom has always been in her life, though there were times when she lived primarily with dad...and "Elle".
What a beautiful and profound gift she gave "Elle" with that statement! It was a validation that she made a difference.
My dad and step-mom's 30th anniversary was this week. She was my dad's mistress, so the way they got together hurt a lot of people...the fact is though, they're made for each other...and it's the numerous phone calls I've had with my step-mom over the years that leave me feeling closer to my dad (he's not a phone talker and lives far away). I have her to thank for that...and I tell her every chance I get. It took a lot of years to get past the pain of my parents divorce, but I'm glad I did. I have two moms out of this deal...and neither can replace the other.
Despite the fact that I sometimes secretly like the fact that Peanut doesn't like her soon-to-be step-mom, I hope she ends up with the experience I have had. Step-mom's can truly enrich your life.
So this post is for the step-mom's out there. Good for you for loving your babies like they're your own.