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I'm a Recovering Drama Queen. I got tired of the same old lines.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011


This is my catty frustrated and angry side. The side that's going to rip apart every poor soul stupid ass who contacts me via the dating site and has no business doing so. See my earlier post today for the warm, fuzzy stuff.

My profile says I'm looking for someone between the ages of 39 and 52. It's a simple request, yet there's always some 30-year old who thinks I'm a desperate M.I.L.K (substitute the K with an F), or some old guy who's lost his marbles and thinks he's Hef.

The majority of my emails in the past day and half have been from the old farts.

Most of the time I'm fairly polite, kind even. But this crap makes me want to throw up!

This is the profile of my latest:

Soft gentle kisses are they real or are you still dreaming??? Between kisses you hear me whisper “I love you”. A beautiful smile comes to your lips when you realize it is real as you wake up... Without opening your eyes you pull me down for the first real kiss of the day. Getting dressed is always a challenge because I am always coming up behind you and kissing your neck and shoulders and putting my arms around you... If you get to looking to beautiful I try to pull you back in the bedroom... You giggle and say I am going to get you fired... You can’t be late every morning. As you pull up to work you reach for your lipstick and find the note I hid there... Telling you how I had thanked G_d this morning for putting you in my life. You think how wonderful it is to have happy tears in your eyes instead of the sad ones you had in other relationships. At break the girls ask you to tell them about your man you call Clueless. You think of our little place with our horses in the pasture.. Then you think of us training your horse because I wanted to make sure she was trained properly.. You say that I train horses as a hobby. Then you remember how I looked in my tie as I left for my office and you tell them I own my own business. Remembering last weekend when we flew in our plane to Galveston just To have dinner... you tell them I am also a pilot. Then you laugh and tell them that I sometimes do standup comedy at the clubs..Then you tell them I am a man and I screw up sometimes.. But I try real hard to be honest and open with my feelings..... Then you get a warm feeling and tell them that you know that there is a e-mail waiting for you... But you are saving it because when something upsets you or goes wrong you open it and read how much I care and miss you.. Your man is romantic. As you start your car and head for home you wonder what I will come up with tonight.. Whatever it is you know tonight will not be boring... You smile and wish you were already home... Home with your man Clueless.
Who are you??? This dream lady... This elusive love I am searching so hard to find??? If you put average in your profile that means You are height and weight proportional. You may not be perfect but you will be perfect in my eyes. My eyes will see nothing but beauty because I will see the real you that is your heart and your soul. You are the type woman that likes to have fun... ... And you like turning your man on. You love sex with your man and do not believe in silly rules and do not have hoops for me to jump through or walls built up to keep me out. It doesn’t matter if it is the first kiss or the forty first kiss... When you get excited you don’t fight it... You are romantic and write me love letters too... You understand how important it is to a man to feel needed and wanted by his woman. You are the kind of woman that gets ready for bed and likes to look sexy in her little night gowns... Yet loves to wake up cuddled up feeling skin on skin... You must love to kiss a lot... You like to lay your head on my chest and listen to my heart beat. You must really, really, really want to be in love and be willing to work at not losing one single spark... You know how to make a man feel he is your hero... You share your hopes and dreams as well as your fears with me... We work together and make our dreams come true. You understand that we should make each other feel loved and special every minute of every day because that dream lady is the golden road to happily ever after.

Ladies, you're gonna have to fight me for this man! Especially after seeing these pictures (sorry for not clarifying earlier, I cropped his face out of the pictures):
He will never get to experience me cringing at every thought of him kissing my neck or any other body part.
Looks and age aside, I just love when a person scripts your life together. How could I possibly live up to his expectations?
And so I say, "Seriously?"


  1. There's a HUGS red flag when someone doesn't show their face.

    Wait til his wife finds out...

  2. I guess that's what he wishes the thought process of a woman would be if he ever came in contact with one. I think it's safe to say boat boy won't be getting any action anytime soon, other than watching his dogs do the deed.

  3. Oh, No, Julianna...I cropped off his face. It would have scared Y'all! :)

  4. There are women out there that this type of thing might float their boat (hee hee)...but he was so off the marker here it's not even funny. Even if he was good looking with a normal profile...we had NOTHING in common.

  5. Okay he sounds like a dirty rapist. I would not be surprised at all if he had sex with the two dogs in his picture.

  6. On the other hand though, I would have responded to him and had fun with it. I did that once to a pervert. When I was 18 my friend Heather and I talked to some pervert online. He started talking all nasty to us and said he wanted to have sex with us both at the same time. We did not show him pictures, so he did not know what we looked like. But he showed us his picture. He was fat, old, and ugly. We told him to meet us at the mall by the food court. We showed up and sat and ate a soft pretzel while watching him stand there and look around waiting for what he thought was going to be a two girls waiting to bang his brains out. Finally he got tired of waiting and left.

  7. Oh my gosh! What a goofball~

    Oh and I had to share this blog with you--I think you'll love it as much as I do ;)


  8. I'm now following Little Miss Me! Thanks, Elisa.

  9. I'm freaking the fuck out right now..... EWWWWWWWWWW what a fucktard.
    Hmmmmm... You know what - he kinda looks like the guy I caught taking a picture of my ass....
    ***loads shot gun***

  10. Stalker alert, stalker alert!! I think I threw up in my mouth a little bit reading that. UGH!

  11. Hey, you're all mean, it took me ages to come up with that shit you know? The dogs are stuffed too, you don't honestly think I'd have sex with a live one?!!!

  12. Holy crap that's funny. Well he's a romantic at heart or he things he is God's gift to women. Not sure which so I will withold judgment. Pretty funny stuff.. Good news? Gives you lots to blog about.:)

  13. Arlequin, never a dull moment.

    Melynda - Good news, I got a hottie that contacted me today. Sent me a "wink", then an email. I turned around to see if he was emailing someone else. hee hee

  14. damnit, based on the first sentence i thought i was going to get golf advice, not dating!

  15. I have changed it from caddy to catty! Oops! Thanks, -E-!

  16. Wow, at times it makes me feel ashamed of my own gender. I cant believe these dudes write such a stinking pile of crap. Does any woman ever fall for this? I sure hope not.