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I'm a Recovering Drama Queen. I got tired of the same old lines.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Working Outside

I've put on 15 pounds in the last 2+ years. 15! That's a lot for me. I've been junking it up at night, drinking sodas all day, and I consumed way too many Cadbury Eggs and french fries this year.

My arms are puffy, my face is puffy, my belly is mushy...you get the picture. Well, here's the picture:

I am never wearing that dress again...or anything sleeveless for that matter! I look at this photo and feel old. I wanna look like this again:

This is how I looked when I turned 40! True, my arms aren't showing, but trust me...I did not look like marshmallows. When I looked like that I felt like this:

Now I feel like doing this:

I am almost ready to put myself back onto a dating site. The problem is, this particular site asks for your body type. I'm not slender anymore...I'm average. Being 42 and "average" is tough...what I've found happens is that I get a lot of messages from much older men. Like grandpas! I don't get messages from guys my age +/- a few years. Most use the "slender" search criteria. Is this superficial? Of course! But it's also life.

Realize, that I'm writing this about myself. This is how I feel about me! This is heavy for ME. I'm hyper-critical when it comes to me! I don't look at other people the same way.

So 10 pounds need to go before I can call myself "slender". I've worked on my "insides" for the last 4+ years...The emotional remodel has been such an improvement and I'm proud of who I've become....BUTT!

Now I'm ready to work outside.


  1. You are such a beautiful woman! Do not let 15 pounds hold you back from going out and having fun. If the guy is a good one, he is not going to care. Now you know I tell it like it is and if I thought you looked like shit I would tell you, but honestly I think you are so pretty! Now go and out and get laid damnit!

    BTW, when the day comes that I get a baby through adoption, I hope it is as cute as your little girl. If I get an ugly baby after all that I have been through I am going to be pissed!

  2. Mrs. Pickles

    I know if the guy is a good one he won't care...but I do!

    Thanks for the compliments about Peanut...and for not thinking I look like tushy terds.

    And something tells me that you'll be as blind as the rest of us when it comes to how cute your baby is!

  3. Stephanie~

    I think you look beautiful in all the pictures.

    Mrs. Pickles is right.... if you find him, he won't care about the 15lbs that you stress about so much.

    Besides if society wasn't a bunch of starving botox filled assholes, everyone would feel better about themselves. ;-)

  4. I think you look beautiful! And Peanut is georgeous!

    (And no, not all kids are cute either...)

    15 lbs comes and goes... get started on your site, by the time a good one comes along, the 15 lbs will be gone.

  5. Very wise idea Julianna.

    Thank you all for making me feel good. I wish I could say I wasn't fishing for compliments with this post, it really didn't start out that way....but I was....just a little bit. I'm human, and female, and, well, ME!

    I got a very nice text from an old boyfriend who saw this post. He said "An average build does not make you an "average" person in the eyes of most..."

    Thanks, Brad! And thanks for checking in every now and then.

  6. Stephanie, people on dating sites are very liberal when it comes to body size and indeed age in some cases. Seriously you could easily get away with slender without anyone calling you on it... 'Average' translates as 'flabby' to the rest of the world.

    I'd happily accept you with the 15 lbs, it really is no big deal. Everything else you have going for you knocks that out of the ballpark. Just be wary that you will be deluged with messages, you're quite a catch tbh and there's so many weirdos out there!

  7. Aww...I so know this feeling. Dating sites have come a long way and you are lovely! You've got nothing to worry about lady!!! Nothing!

  8. K I somehow missed this one. I look at your pictures and I see a beautiful stron woman. I think you look fantastic. If you are super concerend about it though write me because I can help you get rid of that in a month with very little effort. You will have to excersise but I can help AND it's doctor approved and super helathy way to work it.

  9. Julianna, took your advice and put myself back on the site. Ughhh...wish there were easier ways to meet people
    And thank you for the wonderful compliments everyone. Can't wait to write about my experiences dating...again!

  10. I feel you pain. I gained 10 lbs the minute I turned 40 and every time I try to rid myself of it, I end up gaining more weight. UGH! For us, it is about being our personal best, not what anyone else thinks. When we feel comfortable in our skin, it makes us more comfortable outside our skin!