Dignity

She brought a dust pan and a whisk broom with her that day.
She wanted to salvage what was left.
A few moments passed as she looked down at the mess.
She sighed as she scooped up the pieces and placed them in the front pocket of her shirt.
No matter how unsightly, she would keep them close to her breast.
She walked away whistling, knowing the heart has a way of healing broken dignity.

That Child

I screamed at her.
It was the middle of the night
And I was so tired.
Her face was not recognizable,
It was blurred by my imagination.
I recognized the yellow blinds...
They were from my childhood bedroom,
But the room was not mine.
It was isolated from the rest of the house.
I yelled, "I can't do this anymore!"
"This is your child!"
"I can't be the parent!"
The father agreed but offered no assistance.
He was silent,
A faint shadow in the background.
She tried to reassure me,
"I'll take care of this now."
But she disappeared after she spoke.
I wanted to walk away,
I couldn't.
Nothing was going to change,
And the child still needed me.

I woke up and cried for that child.

Skin

One salty tear would lead to the next,
And the next,
Until pretty soon I'd be empty...
A mere fraction of a woman.
Emaciated by the grief, yet again.
I waited for it to all spill out like before,
But it did not.
A couple of leaks here and there,
Easily patched by the kindness I built up.
My skin now thick and rich,
And all signs of anxiety exfoliated.
I am whole.
Still.
Without you.

December 30, 2012
I've had some time to reflect on this poem. I was very angry when I wrote it. The truth is...I cried buckets...I just had to hold them in until my family left and I was alone. I am whole (that part is true), but I am hurting, and that's okay because you don't lose a year long love with the person you wanted to spend your life with without feeling the loss.

Satisfy

She packs her own lunch now. That's what grown ups do. But wedged between the peanut butter sandwich and the carton of milk she found a morsel of dessert...Her mother must have put it in there when she wasn't looking. It was smushed beyond recognition, but still enough to satisfy.

The Other Side of Happy

It was an odd looking chair.
I had forgotten how cold and uncomfortable it was.
It looked out of place in the room remodeled for joy.
Dust had settled on the arms, so I wiped it away.
Last night I sat on the other side of happy.

Family Postcards

Stevie admired her empty cork board. She spent many years carefully removing the postcards from it that she'd saved from family trips. She had them up for so long that it was hard to take them down without getting emotional. The memories were vague, but the feelings, they were strong and powerful.

Stevie knew the postcards couldn't be easily disposed of. She had tried that once before, but the problem was, they were addressed to her. No sooner would she cast them away and they'd find their way back again. Stevie was now a grown woman about to start a family of her own. She was tired of the old postcards arriving unexpectedly, tired of the fights and problems they'd cause when the did arrive. Lines between old memories and the present were blurred, and there was no room for the present day.

It took longer than she expected to look at each one because the postcards only offered glimpses of what her childhood was like. She thoughtfully filled in the gaps where the thumb tacks and tape left holes. She did take delight in some of the memories uncovered. Those memories gave her strength to get through some of the tougher ones. Each day she was one step closer to understanding herself, and with that understanding came peace and resolution.

Life wasn't perfect after she cleared away that old cork board. There were still sad events and moments of disappointment. Stevie handled these moments more easily. She took comfort in knowing that when those postcards would arrive she'd have room to pinpoint them exactly.

The Dinner Party

She hosted a rather odd dinner party.
It was a party of "ic's" and "ist's".

The Procrastonist RSVP'd at the last minute,
And showed up late.

The Optimist just knew they'd get a coveted invitation,
And looked forward to the event.

The Pessimist assumed it would be a disastrous party,
But showed up with a bowl of sour grapes.

The Hopeless Romantic got lost on the way,
She couldn't see through her rose-tinted glasses.

The Elitist didn't bother to show,
Even though they had nothing to do that night.

The Critic was so consumed by making mental notes,
He forgot it was a party... occupational hazard.

The Antagonist brought a suspicious potion,
And stirred up trouble.

The Fatalist knew that trouble was inevitable,
And showed up waiting for it to all play out.

The Narcissist made it known to everyone
That he was the life of the party.

The Fanatic bought into what the Narcissist was selling,
And fawned all over him.

The Agoraphobic politely declined,
She was afraid to leave her home.

The hostess knew there'd be a 50/50 chance the party would be a success.
After all, she had to be Realistic...

Well.....you get the Gist.

The Visitor

You can't have me permanently.
Nobody can.
When I arrive you feel sunshine,
My warmth envelopes you.
You take my presence as proof...
If I'm there, your feelings must be real!
You think you could never have too much of me,
But I always sense when I've overstayed my welcome.
I leave, allowing you quieter moments.
You reflect calmly as you search for meaning. 
Occasionally these moments bring tears.
I  hope that I will not be away for long.
I do worry you won't remember me.
But, when I round the corner
You always recognize me.
How could you not?
I am your smile!

The Lovely Trail

She would walk each day,
One foot in front of the other...
Every day,
Moving

There was no way to get around her fears,
She chose to plow through them.

She ran past her enemies,
But reached back her hand when needed.

She skipped often,
Always with a song in her heart.

She carried light at all times,
To shine the way for the little ones.

She danced with her family,
Waded through sorrow,
Paved new memories,
And marched for her beliefs.

She took her final step at the finish line.
That's when she soared....

...Leaving a lovely trail behind.

I Know

"Good morning," Isaac said as he wrapped his arms around her.
Sam giggled when he kissed her on the neck and scooted herself closer to his body.
They found each other's feet and nestled in like spoons.
"Who fell asleep first last night?" she asked.
"I think you did. You snored a little last night," he said in a playful way.
Sam turned her head so she could see his face and said, "I know."
He pulled the blanket over her bare shoulder.
"How do you know you snored if you were asleep?" he asked.
"Because you just told me," she said with a smirk.

"So," she said, "I've been thinking about this whole 'I love you, I love you more' argument we had last night."
"And what have you decided?" Isaac asked.
"It's okay if you want to love me more," she said.
"Well, then, it's settled," he said.
"Yep," she said, nodding in agreement.
"I do, you know. I do love you more," he said.
"I know, I knew that even before you said it just now," she said as she rolled over to face him.
"And how exactly did you know?" he asked.
"Because you told me last night when I was snoring."
"You just set me up," said Isaac.
Sam rolled back over, pulled his arm back around her,
and said, "I know."

That Bow

"I suck at wrapping," she said as she handed him his gift.
Sam looked at Isaac nervously while he started to unwrap the lumpy box.
"I can never get the creases right and I'm all thumbs when it comes to tape."
Isaac recognized her nervous chatter and reached out with smiling, blue eyes. She loved that he knew when to do that.
"Seriously, it's bad wrapping. Can you believe I spent half an hour doing this?"
He inspected the box with amusement, she knew he was joking.
"I mean, who spends half an hour wrapping a gift!"
Isaac set the box down, touched his right hand against Sam's left cheek, and said, "I don't need fancy packaging to tell me that I'm going to love what's inside."
"Damn!" she said, "I wasted $2.99 on that bow."

Speak Kindly

My insecurities can blind me.

This self- loathing, with my permission, defines me.

When my fears take over, it confines me.

Sometimes I need help,
Please,
Remind me.

To myself, I need to speak kindly.

Note: I came across this post from a couple of months ago. It was a bit over-dramatic so I moved it to "drafts". I don't feel this way at the moment, I just needed the reminder.

Exactly

"I figured it all out," she said with a laugh.
"Ha!"
"Here you go."
Sam handed the sheet of paper to Isaac from across the table.

Isaac reached for his reading glasses,
Glanced at the paper,
Turned it over,
Flipped it back to the other side,
And said, "It's blank. You got me, what is it?"

Sam snatched it back,
Eyed the paper while mumbling to herself,
Looked at Isaac,
Smiled,
And folded it neatly before putting it in her pocket.

"Well?" he said.

"Well what?" she asked, reaching for the last french fry on his plate.

"What did you figure out?" Isaac said, pulling the plate from her reach.

"I figured out that you get the same look on your face when you're trying to read my mind," she said.

"I'm confused," he said.

Sam reached over,
Patted his hand gently,
Swiped the fry from his plate,
And said, "Exactly."

Flavor

Each day she'd walk up to her canvas,

Stop,

Give a little smile,

And add something to it.

Yesterday it was a smudge of Cheetos from her hands...

Art doesn't mind if you're messy,

And every canvas needs a little flavor.

Waterproof Mascara and Umbrellas

I sat in my car this morning and cried...
It was a good one.

I cried because my heart is too full
And there is no more room for lingering anxiety.

I let the tears flow like the clouds release rain
And nurture growth.

So this is why waterproof mascara was invented...
And umbrellas.

Floaties

I have a case of shallow words.
My vocabulary is restricting me to the kiddie pool.
Deeper words are not yet rising to the surface.
It's all nice,
And pleasant as I'm bobbing along.
It's definitely not dark...
I still enjoy splashing around with my thoughts.
But these floaties are annoying to wear.

The World Wide Open - Choices

I posted last night about Cinderita's latest venture. Please check out the post before this one. I don't want it to get lost in the shuffle.

I'm up at 4am writing because I've got something on my mind and it can't wait. I'm saddened by what spews from our mouths because we, as Americans, are entitled our freedom of speech. Freedom of speech is a gift, and we don't always  treat it as such. We were put on this earth to be individuals. As individuals we have our own, unique voices. We as individuals came together years ago to choose freedom of speech.

We have a choice ...

There's a fine line between standing up for what you believe in and voicing your opinion for the sole purpose of division...especially when it concerns people of power or fame.

YOU can choose to polarize just as easily as you can choose to unite. I'd be a hypocrite if I said that I only put out there that which unifies...but I am re-thinking my choices.

I don't normally re-post old poems, but just this once, please indulge me...This one is from December, 2011...

This is the place
Where sadness can go
In quiet desperation
Released into the world wide open

This is the place
Where hate can take form
Anger meets frustration
Released into the world wide open

This is the place
Where fear can roam
Dividing a great nation
Released into the world wide open

This is the place
Where courage can break through
An overnight sensation
Released into the world wide open

This is the place
Where hope can spread
With a little imagination
Released into the world wide open

This is the place
Where peace can run free
It's ours for creation
Released into the world wide open

There are so many avenues to be heard...what do you choose to release into this world wide open?

Sharing Awesome

Just a quick post to share Cinderita's latest venture into awesomeness. I read her post today and was moved to share. I'm always amazed by her spirit and compassion.

http://cinderitaadventures.blogspot.com/2012/08/ambassador-of-awesome.html

Please check out her latest post and the link to her new site, OWN YOUR AWESOME

Wand of Whimsy

She knew just how to find that one special quality,
The one most people couldn't see...
Even in themselves.

She'd bring it out into the open,
Add the right amount of oomph,
And turn it into something magical!

She was a fairy of sorts,
Finding all that was vital,
As she fluttered about with her wand of whimsy.

Back in Time - Bluebonnets 2012

It is a rite of passage in Texas to have your childhood photos taken in the bluebonnets every year. These lovely flowers only bloom once a year (around late March to mid April). You can see sprays of them along the highways and in empty fields. There is a small field in our favorite park (Peanut calls it the "Castle Park") where the bluebonnets bloom every year. If you photograph it just right you can block out the utility lines and houses that neighbor the property. I was mostly successful this year AND Peanut was in an especially "pose-y" mood for me. We didn't have her original Barkley with us that morning, but she brought along Barkley's sister, Fluffy, for the occasion. These pictures always make me smile, especially when it's Peanut's time with her dad and I'm missing her...and sometimes I catch myself looking at these photos and thinking, "I made that! She's my child!"

Next year I plan on dragging Rudolph to the bluebonnets for photos!

Back in Time - February

I miss the connection that comes with every day writing...I feel like I've left so much out over the past 8 months. I hope to get back to just writing about what's going on in my life in addition to the poetry. Don't get me wrong, I love giving you all glimpses of me via the poetry...but I don't think I'm really connecting.

So here are some photos from my trip in February to Florida for my niece and nephew's B'nai Mitzvah (they're twins). Rudolph actually met all of my family and we were only 2.5 months into dating. Brave man...and of course, they loved him. It was one of the best family trips I've ever had. My sister, mother of the twins, was the happiest I've ever seen her. Rudolph and I had some quiet time with my brother and his wife one night (Peanut slept at her cousins' house). E and J are definitely Rudolph's favorites. They're just so easy to be around.

I don't see my siblings often; we actually don't talk all that much on the phone, but the closeness we feel when together makes up for it.

I've since met Rudolph's family, but I'll save that for another post.

My brother and his wife...they will be married 20 years in November-

They've worked hard for this happiness!

Rudolph talking to Papa Sam at the brunch following

the B'Nai Mitzvah for my niece and nephew in February

 My dad and my niece and nephew -

I know, my dad looks good for 69...

and he rocks those glasses! 

 Peanut and my stepmom -sharing silly time in the backyard

Family Portrayal

The portraits hung on the walls of her home...
A gallery of two families.

They were once fresh canvases,
Joyful with the hope and possibilities
That unity could bring them.

But their completion was nothing like the original sketch.

They weren't smiling,
How could they?...
The artist distorted their images
With every stroke of his ego.

He hung them on opposite sides of the room
And walked away.

Day after day they faced each other
Only able to see what he painted...
Impressions they left on each other were hideous.

They remained expressionless,
Confined by glass and their warped frames.

Slowly the walls began to crack
From the weight of their heavy silence,

She was the first to fall to the floor.
The frame and glass broke...
Pieces of her discolored exterior faded away
As they oxygen hit her canvas.

One by one they all fell,
Some taking longer than others.
They helped each other chip away at the layers of paint,
The interpretations of their lives for the first time speaking clearly.

They were never able to restore the family as "one",
But they learned to appreciate the masterpieces uncovered.

The Victory of Love

A marriage of convenience creates spectators...

The concessions might be tempting,

But are often stale.

A marriage without respect creates rivalries...

Alliances are formed,

And members are carelessly traded.

A marriage without love creates sidelines...

One or both will find themselves benched,

Wishing they were in the game.

A marriage without tenderness creates injury...

It crushes hope and breaks confidence,

The damage is long lasting.

**********

A marriage with deep connection creates a team...

Completely dedicated to a common goal,

The victory of love.



Inner Champion

Her struggles with courage leave her voice quite meek.

It's stronger than it was, but she tends to shy away from confrontation.

She'll likely concede if she believes the issue too trivial,

Especially if she's feeling particularly undeserving that day.

But some days she lets those necessary words loose,

And channels her "Inner Champion."

Touch

It is a simple gesture

When you place your hand on my back.

You find just the right moment,

And my insides squeal with delight.

The sensation of your warm hand lingers,

And, just like a good smelling cologne,

It finds me throughout the day...

It envelopes me.

I breathe in its sweetness

Because it was created just for me.

I love the scent of your touch.

Better Feel

This morning I crave the touch of my pillow on my face
Because it feels oh so good when I have "sleepy head",
Silly cuddle time with my little one,
Good morning kisses from my love,
Coffee and a chicken biscuit.

Previously my cravings were intangible...
Cooked up in my dreams to satisfy need.

Now I'm living, not dreaming.

These cravings have a better feel...

Outside Her Box

She keeps the side window to her box unlocked.

Every now and then it's nice to crawl back inside...

For old time's sake.

She spends a minute or two in there looking around,

That's all she needs for it is quite small,

And there's not much to see.

She re-emerges...

Happy to be finally living outside her box.

Good morning, Love

I feel most exposed when you see me in the morning light...

Vulnerable,

Naked,

Open.

I used to hide from that...

After all, did I really want you to see EVERYTHING?!

The answer was an astonishing

"YES!"

I like how it feels

When your eyes smile

As you take all of me in...

And give all of yourself back.


Good morning, Love.

Ribbon

A ribbon was tied to her index finger.

It was modest,

But when it caught her eye

It had a hint of sparkle and flair...

She put it there to remember that she forgot

What it felt like to be so loved.

Beautiful

They crashed into each other one December evening
Now this might seem impossible given the impact they had,
But it was graceful and melodic as they landed in each other's soft spots.

They learned to love.
They learned there was a power in self reflection,
A power in sharing...
Hearts are best touched when exposed,
And much, much easier to tickle.

They crashed into each other again...just the other day.
Because love, as you know, gets tested
And even the most connected hurt each other sometimes.

A moment of carelessness and they were out of step
They landed with a thud, grasping for each other's soft spots,
They missed as the pain of falling overpowered them both.

Trust was put to the test.
They looked inward for solace,
Found their strength,
And then reached out for what they believed in.
Their hearts were once more exposed,
And what they saw in each other was beautiful.

Two Firsts

Her First First looks to her for guidance, protection,
Unconditional love, comfort.
Her Second First looks for the same but in the form of support,
Security, emotional intimacy, warmth.

Where does she find this energy to keep them balanced?

She'll let you in on a secret...

Rather than placing herself in the middle of the seesaw
She places them side by side on one end
And places herself on the opposite end...
That way she can give her attention to both at the same time,
Forming an extra-potent fuel from their smiles.

Putty

Be strong in your gentle sort of way,
Firm without the feeling of tension.

Knead me,
But don't twist me into knots.

If you squeeze me hard enough and in the right places
I just might fit back into my shell.

It's silly, you know,
That I'm like putty in your hands.

Sweet Companion

It was there when the middle child returned
After announcing she was running away from home...
She only made it to the end of the block with her suitcase packed,
Then promptly returned to find her mother waiting.

It sat and patiently helped her to sleep,
Listening to the stories her mother told of Two Boots, the Cat
Over and over again.

It waited for the day that child had a child of her own.
And without missing a beat
Found its rhythm again

It rested quietly in the room by the foothills for 20 plus years.
Seldom used over that time,
But not forgotten by those it comforted in the past.

It unexpectedly departed to a new home...
It would never know that the middle child shed tears
As she fondly remembered the gentle ways
Of her mother's black, wooden rocking chair.

 Good bye, sweet companion.

Open Mic

My ex used to roll over and whack his manhood on the side of my thigh to let me know he was "in the mood for lovin".
So I tried whacking him in the head with a can of polish and a rag to let him know I was "in the mood for a clean car"
Wax on, Whack off!
Right?
*
*
He also used to tell me I had no sex drive.
I drive perfectly,
I just didn't want to when he was in my car.

Someday

You give good weekend.

Silly phone calls while I'm browsing through racks of clothing I don't need to buy.
Playing DJ on wheels.
Marveling over a lunch truck that sells all meals BACON.
Hanging out on the bar stools as our friend gets her poetry on.
Giggling over Rocky's Horror until the wee hours in the morning.
Slobbery "Packet Ball".
A haircut and a trip to the Fountain of Youth.
Napping....
Slaying zombies with plants while you sling birds at pigs.
Tears in my eyes when I realized this is my life, and I like it.
Laughing at your jokes.
Chicken Caesar Salad...and a croissant.
Promising you there would be Texas Toast on Sunday night.
Squirrels evading your trap.
Scouting out a neighborhood for my mom....just far enough away.
Planning a special birthday present for a little girl who adores you.
Spooning off to sleep.
But not before assuring you I love the idea of eating cake with you.
Someday.

What Lies Within

What lice in her head causing my child to be sent home from school before us
And What lice in our pillows and sheets and blankets and stuffed animals behind us
Are tiny matters (creepy, crawly, tiny little f'ers) compared to
What lice all over MY head making me itch like f'ing crazy within.

We had a lovely bout of head lice in our house again last week. I had it almost as badly as Peanut this time.

Thank you to Rudolph for being so nit picky when I needed it most. You are no louse! I think this is true love...I slept with olive oil on my head for two nights and you still found me desirable.

It must be because of what lies within.

17 Weeks.....plus a few days

17 weeks, plus a few days...
That's how long it's been.
Seems like longer, yes?

Could it really only be 4 months?

I wore jeans and a copper colored top
With tan boots...
And some sparkley jewelry...to complete
I admit I wore my best fitting "good booty jeans"
On purpose.

You wore your suit of armour,
It's at least one size too large,
But fits your stage persona.
All I saw were how blue your eyes were
When the spotlights caught your smile.
In your photos I thought they were brown!

4 months
122 days

That's it?

It's no surprise that it feels like longer.

My question is this...

What do we do when the love we've created
Is too big to fit inside just 17(plus a few days) weeks?

The Land of Unknown Friendships

She surveys the area

A slight hint of hesitation

Possibly a moment of fear

Then she skips right into

The Land of Unknown Friendships

Because she's seven...

And that's what you do on the playground.

Agreed?

I have to admit, I like writing about my angst and sorrow.
It makes for a good read
When I'm in need.

It's a lot of fun to worry about today and tomorrow.
When I hear my soul plead
It's sadness I feed.

So I'll ask you this, "Do you have some pain I can borrow?"
"Does your heart bleed?"
"I'll take that on for you, agreed?"

The Whole Sensation

I had an answer for you this time.
In the dark,
Face to face,
Stars shining above.


"What are you thinking right now?"


Without hesitation,
And from the deepest place in my heart,
"I don't think I've ever loved anyone
As much as I do you."


I could barely distinguish your eyes
From the stars above,
But the look you gave me back was real.


A sensation of being whole came over me.
My mind raced with the knowledge
That the heart I show to you
Is the most complete and nourished heart
I've ever been able to share with anyone.

Worth Missing

I hate days when I'm feeling needy.
It just clouds the fact that I miss you
simply because you're worth missing.

Shula

Shula was an especially sensitive duckling. The slightest bit of cold water on her feathers sent her in a tizzy.

I was overly agreeable in my mid 20's, especially when it came to "keeping" a love interest. I refused to show disappointment if it meant there was the slightest possibility I might lose that person by doing so.

"You're just like a human, Shula!" the other ducklings told her, "You let the littlest things get you. Why can't you just let the water roll off your back like the rest of us do? What kind of duck are you that you let water bother you?"

"You let everything roll off your back like a duck!" he said to me. "How come nothing upsets you? You never let anything bother you."

Shula endured constant badgering.

He constantly devalued me and put me down.

Shula asked them why they did this and their reply was, "We'll keep doing it as long as you let us."

I said to him once, "So what you're saying is if others kick me down you'll kick me down further?" His reply was, "If you let me, sure."

Shula eventually moved to another pond, she didn't miss the other ducklings but their message lingered in her mind.

I broke up with David on my birthday. It was a present to myself...Not a day went by that I regretted that decision, but his words stuck.

Shula decided to reinvent herself...sure the cold water still bothered her, but she was no weakling...she could take it...even on the coldest of days...her mind was consumed with proving she could endure the cold water just as well as any duckling...eventually she was numb.

I resolved to do the exact opposite of letting things roll off my back. I was not going to put up with even the slightest injustice...my mind was often stuck on the negative. I was hypersensitive to how people treated me.  It was a full time job to fight those who wronged me, until none of my days were filled with joy...I was always angry.

The Healing

I tried to read between the silence
Hoping to understand him better.
Wanting the moment to pass quickly
So we could go back to being ourselves.


I let the anxiety build
Until I burst out crying.
This time I let my daughter see me cry.
It was hard and felt wrong,
Something I hope to never do again

I let my child comfort me
With hugs and kisses, tissues and a bologna sandwich.
I did my best to comfort her back.
The fresh air at the park was healing for us both.

The disagreement with him grew stronger,
And my emotions took over.
Fear of loss, and feeling shamed.
Regrets over my insensitivity.
Anger over his harsh words.
Words I wasn't used to.

I had put it all out there recently.
I opened up in many ways.
Suddenly that felt like it wasn't enough.
How was it possible for us to be in this place?
Oh, G_d, we could lose each other!

When I finally heard his voice the sobbing began.
Sobs in past relationships I'd hide.
I knew I couldn't do that anymore,
So I let them come.

We were both real and raw in that moment.
The tenderness in our voices slowly coming back.
This is what you do when your lover is your best friend.
This is what you do when you've built a foundation.
Something I didn't have in the past,
But know from experience is necessary.

An understanding will come from our appreciation of each other,
As will the healing.

A Day Late for the Party- Love Your Face

What party you ask?

The celebration of Melynda's book!









There are exceptional people in my bloggerhood, and Melynda is one of those people. She's not only funny and warm, she's strong and brave. Her outlook on life is inspiring and her posts are daily reminders of the goodness in this world.

I'm sorry I'm so late with this blog post. Yesterday got away from me, workwise.

Melynda, good luck with your surgery today. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

I highly recommend her book, so click on the link and check it out. It was put together by some very loving friends, but it's all Melynda.
As Melynda would say, "Love your face!"

Family - Warmth

Would she remember these moments?
Summoned by her great grandfather
She ran downstairs to sing him a song.
Normally these are reserved for Friday nights over the phone.
But they were both in the same place at the same time.
One must always take advantage of an opportunity like this.
It mattered not the tune,
Or even the tone in her voice which was actually quite terrible.
It sounded beautiful to him and to all of us.
Because we all knew how precious this opportunity was.

She kissed his cheek and gave him a light hug.
Grabbing his arm gently she told him,
"I'll be back later, okay Papa Sam?"
The look of caring and concern on her face
Was far more mature than her seven years of age.
("Seven and a little over a half," she'd tell you.)
But he felt it with all his 96 years.

She ran back upstairs to play,
And left behind warmth

Family - Day One

She had love on both sides.
One that came from inside and the other she let in.
She was glad for a change to have the middle seat on the plane.

She had never been so excited to land!
Family was waiting.
Her parents, siblings, niece, nephews, cousins, aunts, uncles...
Including her Papa!
They would all be there to celebrate the B'nai Mitzvah.

Introductions were made.
She knew they would go well.
How could they not?
They would most definitely see what she did.

Family surrounded her with comfort.
She reached over and pulled him in with her.
She'd glance over to him every now and then,
Hoping he saw the happiness in her eyes.
Glad for the moments when his hand touched hers.

She watched as her child charmed the room
With her warmth and energy.
They couldn't help but giggle.
Neither could she,
But she stifled it as parents often do.
Quietly pleased.

Her niece and nephew were now 13.
Family congregated in the synagogue
To celebrate this mitzvah.
Her sister glowed with pride
And rightfully so.

Tired from their day of travel
They headed back to the hotel.
Her little one was up so late
That her eyes shut before she finished her meal.
He remarked about the loving look she gave
As she held her child in her arms.
She loved when he'd reflect on those moments for her.

A long day indeed.
She savored every moment,
And drifted off to sleep.

Tomorrow would bring more joy.
This was Day One.

Please Be Kind to Me

"Please be kind to me," she said.

Simple,

Direct...

Perhaps she was about to get bad news from her doctor.
She could be receiving a critique of a new piece of artwork.
Had she just stepped on a scale?
Maybe she got in a fight with her lover.
It's possible someone had already been unkind to her that day.
It could be a request to a higher power for mercy.
She very well could be requesting a donation.
Slim chance that she just ate a chili cheese coney with extra onions
And her stomach was grumbling, but you never know.
She might have been holding a mirror to her face at the time.

Five simple words arranged in a sentence.

A simple request for one of the most basic of needs...

"Please be kind to me."

A Reward for Patience

I'm not feeling well today.

Mother Nature brought clouds and rain to me today for company. I think she knew sunshine would be too bright. The thing is, I'm not wallowing in self pity or wishing I had more. By all accounts life is very good. There's a lot of happiness going on in this head of mine! But I am depressed. The kind I just need to let myself weather.

Perhaps the clouds and the rain and the chill in the air is a reminder that I have all the warmth I need inside myself... it's all in there, built on hard work and kindness to myself, deep love for and from others. It's just slow to start...and I need to wait.

Maybe this is why Mother Nature gives us rainbows? A reward for patience.

Together We Are

Together we grow.
The "I am..." becomes stronger.
Our "We" takes form.

"I am funny," he said.
"I am also funny," she said.
"Together we are funnier!"
"Do your pants make my butt look big?"

We laugh
We create
We express
We connect
We cherish
We develop
We relate
We refresh
We encourage
We share
We support
We give
We receive

"I am in love with you," she said.
"I am also in love with you, " he said.
Together we are 

New Dimensions - Beauty of a Woman Blogfest

I posted this piece yesterday before I knew about the BEAUTY OF A WOMAN BLOGFEST



I hope this piece of work does justice. Please check out August's blog and participate! I don't know how to do the logo so it has a link, but just click on her blog link above for details.

Here's my post from yesterday:

NEW DIMENSIONS

You shattered me into a million pieces,
But lovingly put me back together.
I’m whole again,
And yet I’m so very different.
Light doesn’t entirely reflect off of me anymore.
It shines through the cracks and the crevices
Where I used to be solid.
I now have highlights.
I like it this way.
How else could I mirror the depths
Of your new dimensions?

I thought a follow up to my Perfect Unison piece from November would be nice. It's quite extraordinary to finally feel accepted by my own reflection.

Off to Sleep

It joined us last night.
It doesn't visit often
Which is a good thing
As it takes up precious space

Last night I was too tired and tried to ignore it.
That was my mistake.
In return it stole my sleep.

I sat there, bleary-eyed
Wanting to wake you
But you were resting so peacefully.
I couldn't.

It kept me company until I said, "I see you!"
I stared straight at it, deep in thought
It couldn't deny my acknowledgement
It knew I'd tell you about it when you woke up.

That's when it left, the elephant in the room.
and I drifted off to sleep.

Cinderita's Year of Hugging Fearlessly

She did  it!

CINDERITA completed her Year of Hugging Fearlessly today. I think many of us can agree that being part of her journey this past year has been a privilege...and I can't wait to see what's in store for her this year!


I'm sorry for the brief post (I actually have tons to write about right now, but no time to do it).


Be sure to send her some congratulations!


Rita, you are remarkable!

Different

Two enemies stand side by side, broken.
Clothed in anger adorned with contempt.

They know no warmth, only an insatiable hunger
That sends shivers through their bones.

Their skin is rough,
Signs of kindness chiseled from their faces.

A higher power brought them together that day.
Each placed before the casket of their enemy's child.

Two deaths caused as a result of their hatred.
Grief filled the silent spaces in-between the violence.

That day forced them to remove their armor,
Their eyes overflowing with salty tears.

They would never be the same,
Nor could they see each other as different.

All the More

I like how you take care of me

You brave Walmart
To find the right bulb for my dryer
When I feel low you pick me up
I've never felt higher

You fill my cup
With nickels so I can play
You've patiently let me be quiet
Knowing I can't always find the words I want to say


I like how you take care of me

We laugh, we love
I snore
You hold me close
And love me all the more

Period

You showed up unexpectedly last night
I'm not saying I didn't want you to
I did
I just wasn't prepared

Somehow my thoughts traveled
to that time you stayed away
And handed me the world

I cant help but go there
I'm female
It's what we do

Especially when the sand is running down

I let myself have that moment
And then let the thought go
I'm happy you're here, Period

A Good Chase to Nourish the Soul

I watched my child walk a puppy.

A shortened leash in her hands.

With just enough slack to hunt a squirrel or two.

When the pup took off running, she gleefully ran with him.

Knowing it was all about the thrill of a good chase.

I've had a joyous return to my present.

I reigned in my imagination,

Giving it enough room to hope and create.

When it runs away, I don't mind running with it.

The places we go now nourish the soul.

Travels with Fishducky

The ever popular Fishducky sent a story my way for me to use as a guest post. This woman needs no blog of her own and is in high demand these days. She has become such a lovely addition to my bloggerhood. Thank you, Fishducky.

Now, on to her story:

TRAVELS WITH FISHDUCKY


Bud & I love to travel--& take family & friends with us. Thank heaven he’s been successful & we can afford it. (I did NOT marry a rich Jewish attorney. When we got married in 1955, he had about $200.00 & I was the rich one—I think I had about $500.00.) I’d like to tell you about some of our trips.

In 1971, while we were still poor, we borrowed my sister-in-law’s station wagon & loaded my other sister-in-law’s 3 kids & our 3 kids (all aged 5-11) & drove to the Grand Canyon, Las Vegas, Bryce & Zion National Parks. People would ask the kids if they were all one family. They’d tell them yes, but that we had left the little ones at home. They were also asked if their parents had no TV. They assigned imaginary horses to each of us. Bud’s horse’s name was Dammit. My niece once told him, “Uncle Buddy, that man’s calling your horse!” I had been to the Grand Canyon once before, when I was about 10. My brother, who was 12, wanted to spit into the canyon because that was the only place he could spit over a mile. My mother panicked. I laughed. When our brood got there, I turned into my mother. They could be 50’ from the rim & I was terrified. I told Bud to watch them & I waited in the car so as not to spoil their trip.

For both my 60th & 65th birthdays Bud took me & a bunch of our friends on an overnight flight to Las Vegas & gave them each $50 in silver dollars to play with—I got MUCH more.

In 1982 we took about 18 family members (& 2 secretaries) to Hawaii for 2 weeks. We had Tshirts made with my duck wearing a lei. The shirts said FISCHER’S FLYAWAY. If you’re familiar with Maui, you’ll know the Pioneer Inn. We went there for their famous macadamia nut pancakes one morning. They had broken our group up & had seated us at 5 tables throughout the patio. When it was time to pay, Bud got 6 checks. He asked the waiter who told him to give us their bill. The water pointed to our other 4 tables & to one with people we didn’t know. When we confronted him, the guy laughed & said, “Hey, it was worth a try! When your kids got their checks, they told the waiter to give them to you. So did I.”

Two years later—1984—we took our whole group on an Alaskan cruise. There were 4 generations represented, from Bud’s parents to their first great-grandchild, who celebrated his first birthday on the ship. We had baseball caps & windbreakers made with my duck on a cruise ship & the words FISCHER’S FLOTILLA. What a blast!!!

There have also been many smaller trips throughout the years. We’ve had MANY, MANY people ask if we would adopt them. Bud says that we can’t afford to have more people in our family. Sorry, but RESERVATIONS ARE CLOSED!

Check back this afternoon for photos!  I wanted to get this posted and was running out of time.
Hope you enjoyed your travels with Fishducky!!!!!

Joy in My Life

I let my imagination run away with me.
For no particular reason that I can figure.
Other than I was too happy.
I cannot wait for our return,
I miss having full control of the joy in my life.

Island of One

She sat on her island of one.
She scoured the depths of a sea of emotions
For two years before she found it.

She drew a map…
A map of the treasures found along the way to herself.
Upon her arrival she promptly cast the map out into the sea.

She watched it float until it was no longer in sight.
Would the current pull it under,
Or would it wash ashore somewhere
In the distance when the tide rolled in?

She left that decision to the ocean,
Confident she’d be happy either way.

The map floated back to her several weeks later.
A note was attached that read,
“Please make room
For I am coming to sit beside you on your island of one.”

The Same

I've had this in my head for about month...

It pops in from time to time when I least expect it.

I may not have the words exactly right, but the sincerity in your voice is still clear.

It was when you asked if you could keep calling me, even if we never went out...

Because you couldn't imagine not talking with me.

I think that's when I knew this would be something special

As I felt the same.